


I'll Handle This

by P_Artsypants



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: A litte angst, Body Swap, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Gabriel Agreste's A+ Parenting, Identity Reveal, Plagg Cares, Plagg is a Little Shit (Miraculous Ladybug), Second-Hand Embarrassment, Teenage Rebellion, bromances, in his own way, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:14:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26785726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/P_Artsypants/pseuds/P_Artsypants
Summary: “I’ll solve all your problems,” Plagg had said. “You just have to agree to it.” A fixed relationship with his father, Lila to stop bothering him, and Ladybug to fall in love with him? Who wouldn’t agree to that?Except Plagg was the God of Destruction and Chaos and had a more…hands-on approach. Adrien just wants his body back.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 316
Kudos: 723
Collections: Lila Anon Support Group





	1. In Which They Switch

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something incredibly stupid to shake off my writing stagnation. There’s a tad bit of Adrien salt in here, but he’s my favorite character, so I’ll be gentle.
> 
> Everything I know about 15 year olds comes from TikToks and my little cousin. 

It was foolish to think that the god of destruction was inherently good. Adrien trusted Plagg, as did the other kwami’s, since he knew the difference between right and wrong, and more often than not chose the ‘right’ thing to do. 

But to assume that he was good, was foolish. 

At best, he was chaotic neutral. Doing what was best for himself, which usually meant preserving the status quo. 

Plagg was, despite the grand powers of total destruction and chaos, at the core, a cat. A cat that lived the life that other people would be jealous of. Sure, he spent most of his time in a pocket, but that was the warmest and most snuggliest place to be. Adrien provided him with endless cheese, and endless entertainment. In return, he had to give up his corporeal form and get sucked into a ring, only to watch Adrien blunder around in a fight for 15 minutes once or twice a week. Even then, it wasn’t that much work. Sure, Cataclysm wiped him out, but a little more cheese and he was good to go. 

Yes, being the god of destruction was a sweet gig. 

At least it was, until things got frustrating. 

Of course he loved his little kitten, who didn’t? But watching his life unfold was like watching a soap-opera. And being a creature thousands of years old, only made it so so much harder. 

It was like watching a toddler in a room full of electrical sockets with a fork in hand. Plagg knew that Adrien was bound to completely wipe out and screw himself over. That’s why Plagg was apt to gently nudge him in the right direction, without telling him outright. The kid had to learn somehow, right?

And then, Master Fu had to go and lose his memories, and now the soap opera was even more dramatic. 

From a third person perspective, Adrien’s life was really not that complicated. He was in love with a girl, and she was in love with him, but not the version of him that was in love with the version of her. But of course, she thought he was in love with a totally different girl, and so she tried to move onto another boy, though Plagg doubted she was over him. Okay, in theory, it was kind of complicated. 

But remove the identities, and that problem would be solved. Without Master Fu, that clock was ticking. It was only a matter of time before Marinette realized she needed to get in touch with him outside of the suit in case of emergencies. Talking to Tikki, she was even trying to coax the new guardian into that decision a little faster. 

But you just can’t rush humans. They don’t know what’s good for them. 

As for the rest of Adrien’s complicated messes, well, most of it would be fixed if he wasn’t such a people pleaser. 

Sure, there was merit to being nice to people and turning the other cheek. Plagg could appreciate that. It was a very ‘Tikki’ sentiment. 

But he wasn’t Tikki, and Adrien just needed to grow a spine already. 

It was going beyond people pleasing, and going into fear of stepping on toes, and just outright masochism. It was like Adrien liked being taken advantage of and having his feelings hurt. 

Well, by the way he was waxing poetic at the moment, Plagg knew that was true. 

“And now I feel bad, because I know Kagami really likes me, and I know I could really like her too, but with Ladybug…ugh! I want to give up on her because she’s in love with someone else, and she doesn’t need my flirting to distract her in a fight, which I can’t even help anymore, because it’s such an automatic response, but when I think about how she’s dealing with being the guardian too, it breaks my heart and I just feel like I’m betraying her!” 

“Do you feel like you’re betraying Kagami when you’re mooning over Ladybug?” 

“No! Yes! I don’t know! Feelings are stupid!” 

“I’ll say. That’s why I stick with cheese.” 

“Ugh! You’re so useless!” 

He wasn’t, Plagg would argue. Because he could see the whole thing planned out in an omniscient game board. It was just…impossible to tell him what to do. Only because I was supposed to stay out of human affairs. Such was the law of the Kwami. And he was pretty sure at this point, Adrien would just brush him off with ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about.’ 

“Look, if dating Kagami makes you happy, then date her. If it makes you feel guilty, then don’t.” 

“Bah! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” 

See?

“Well, the way I see it, you can’t betray someone that doesn’t have feelings for you. Camembert won’t feel hurt if I indulge in a gouda every once in a while.” 

“All you talk about is stupid cheese! You have no idea what I’m going through! No idea! My life is so hard and—and frustrating—and—!”

Oh boy, here came the waterworks. 

“And whenever I need actual advice, all you do is talk about cheese! It’s so aggravating!” 

“Listen kid,” Plagg said shortly. “I know how hard you have it, okay? And it’s not that hard. You’re just young. Of course everything is overwhelming, you’ve only been on this earth for 15 years, and even then, you’ve only been social for…a year? A year in a half? You just need to stop wigging out all the time.” 

“That’s easy for you to say!” He ran his fingers through his hair, frantic. “You don’t care about anything! I’m trying to keep the peace between my classmates, my family, and all of Paris! You’re just callous!” 

“Me? Callous?” 

“Yeah! All you’re good for is destroying and making messes!” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah! You wouldn’t have a clue how to live my life! You’d bungle it all up in an hour! No, five minutes! You know nothing about being human! You’re just—Just—!” 

“Just what, Adrien? Go on, say it!” Plagg taunted. 

“You’re just a stink ball!” 

Plagg looked at him flatly. “Really, that’s all you got?” 

“What do you want me to call you?!” Adrien nearly shouted, at the risk of alerting everyone in the house. 

Plagg rolled his eyes. “You really are a piece of work, aren’t you?” 

“Shut up.” 

“No, I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen.” The kwami got in his face, his patience at an end. “I’m not supposed to meddle in your life. I’m a third party observer. I can advise you against bad choices, but I can’t tell you what to do. Or else you’ll never learn. But I am sick and tired of listening to you whining and complaining about everything, and then not actually doing anything to fix it. Yes, your father sucks, yes, it hurts that Ladybug doesn’t love you like you love her, and yeah, Lila is a liar and really tricky to work with! But you’re not actually doing anything to fix it!” 

“Then tell me what to do! Because I don’t know!” 

“I can’t!” 

“Gah!” Adrien threw his arms up in frustration. 

“But…” 

Adrien turned and looked at him, taking a calming breath. “But…?”

“But, I can fix everything for you. If you let me.” 

“You can? You can make Ladybug fall in love with me?” 

“I can fix everything. You just have to agree to it.” 

“Psh! Yeah! I’ll agree to it!” 

Plagg held out his paw. “Then hold up your hand, the one with the ring.” 

Adrien did so, hesitating ever so slightly. “I’m not going to regret this later, am I?”

“Hmm…only if you don’t actually want to fix all your problems.” 

“Fine, I agree to whatever the heck you’re doing, you weird little creature.” 

Plagg closed his eyes, and then when he opened them, they were glowing green. He touched his paw to the Miraculous, and Adrien felt every muscle in his body contract. A painless current flowed through his body, sending tingles to the tips of his toes and the roots of his hair. 

“The pact is made.” Said Plagg, in a voice far more ancient than Adrien was used too. 

He grew dizzy, his room spinning around him, and his vision doubling. 

“Plagg—ugh…” 

“Just go to sleep, Adrien.” 

“Nngh…” 

“Sleep…” 

The last thing he saw was a pair of glowing green eyes floating towards him, until all he saw was green. And then black.

—

In the morning, Adrien awoke to his alarm going off. 

He swatted his arm towards it, never quite reaching it. 

“Ugh! I feel like I got hit by a train!” His voice said. 

Adrien blinked, and then realized that he wasn’t the one who said that. Looking around, was his room always this big? No, certainly it wasn’t…

He sat up, wakefulness coming to him in a series of waves. First, he wanted some cheese, desperately. Second, his body felt really weird. And third, there was another person in his bed. 

“Just take as long as you need to catch up, but not too long, we got school.” Said his voice again. 

Adrien looked to the other person, and came face to face with himself, though the eyes were just a touch greener and the pupils were cat like. “Wha-what?” 

“Ta-da!” Said he, “Now I can take care of your problems, hands on!” 

“Plagg!?” 

“In the flesh!” 

“If you’re me, then…” he looked down at his little paws. “AH!!” 

“Chill, my dude.” Said the god-in-human body, resting his arms behind his head. “You get a vacation.” 

“But—But this isn’t what I wanted!” 

“That’s what you get for not asking for more details.” 

“Plagg! We have to switch back! We can’t do this!” 

“No can do, kid. I will stay in your body until your problems are solved. That’s the pact.” 

“What?! And how long will that take?! There’s no way you can solve all my problems!” 

“It could take a few days…weeks maybe. And I’m not solving every little thing.” 

“But you said—“ 

“Once you get these three things in order, everything else will fall in line.” 

Adrien took a patient breath. “Okay…what are the three things?” 

“One, your relationship with your dad, two, your unrequited love with Ladybug, and three, Lila’s sexual harassment.” 

Adrien gaped at him. “We’ll be at this for months! Plagg, just change me back! How do I undo the pact?” 

“Well, you can destroy the Miraculous, effectively killing me in the meantime.” 

Adrien shook his head. “No no…I’d rather not do that.” 

“Or…you can just relax and let me work. I’m thousands of years old. I’ve been around the block a few hundred times. Hercules had his 12 trials, you only have three. Piece of cake.” He sat up, and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, making to stand. “Whoa…haven’t done that in a few millennia…” 

“Ugh, this is not going to work!” Adrien lamented, “you’re not going to know how to act like me!” 

“Kid, I live in your pocket. I know exactly how you act. And your attitude is exactly what got you into this mess.” 

Adrien blinked at Plagg, as he stood and began stretching like a cat. “My attitude?”

“Yeah, Mr. ‘Everyone is my friend even if they hurt me’.” 

“Well, that’s what I should do, isn’t it?” 

Plagg finished his stretching and placed his hands on his hips. “You just watch, kid. I’ll show you how it’s done.” 

“I have a feeling watching you is going to be like watching a train wreck.”

Plagg stepped into the closet. “Let’s see...what is the perfect outfit to spite a fashion designer without making you look like a total idiot...? Ah ha!” 

Adrien floated off the bed, not used to the sensation, and slowly hovered over to the closet. “What?! You can’t wear that!” 

“It’s in your closet, so why not?”

“It’s against dress code! I’ll get in trouble!” 

“All the more reason to wear it then!” He fumbled around with his pajamas, trying to remember how to remove clothing. “Ugh, ideally, I’d love to be naked.” 

“Don’t you dare!” Adrien nearly shrieked. 

“Oh I won’t, but damn that would be funny.” He shimmied out of his pants and started to get dressed. “Why do you even have this outfit if you would never wear it?” 

“It was for an eighties themed shoot. I get to keep all of my clothes I model. That wasn’t even designed by my dad.” 

“Ohh! Even better!” Plagg sang, slipping on the white, tattered crop top, showing off Adrien’s abs. “You always wear dear daddy’s designs.” 

“I have to, it’s in my contract.”

“You’re just digging yourself into a hole, Agreste.” Plagg pulled on the black denim pants, careful not to stick his foot right through the holes in his knees. Then he tied the look together with chunky black boots, a green flannel shirt, and green tinted sunglasses. “Oh yeah, now we have a look!” He tousled his hair. “Man, Pigtails is going to lose her mind when she sees this.” 

“Pigtails? You mean Marinette? Why does her reaction matter?” 

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Plagg swiped him out of the air and tucked him into the flannel’s pocket. 

Just in time, there was a knock on the door. “Adrien? Are you ready for school?” 

“Show time.” Plagg grinned into the mirror. 

“Kill me.” Adrien muttered to himself. 

In the hall, Nathalie gave him a once over, her eyes wide and an eyebrow raising. “Do you really think that’s appropriate clothing for school?” 

Plagg shrugged. “I’m playing with my image, so what?” Then he reached up and patted her cheek. “You work too hard, kid. You should ask for a day off every once in a while. Pretty sure Gabe’s blowing some labor laws or something.” 

Shit. Damn. Ass. Piss. It was just as Adrien predicted! He blew it! And it’s only been what, a half hour?

“Adrien!” Nathalie sputtered. 

But Plagg just breezed past her, heading to the dining room for breakfast. “Oh, by the way Nat. Do you mind if I call you Nat? I need you to clear my schedule for the next few days.” 

“I’ll have to check with your father—“ 

“Why? You’re the one in charge of the tablet.” 

Nathalie was becoming visibly annoyed. “That may be so, but he’s the one in charge of me!” She huffed, then calmed herself. “You better have a good reason for wanting to clear your schedule.” 

“I do. My activities are stupid. I want to hang out with my friends, have fun…you know, enjoy my life? You remember what that’s like, right?”

“What on earth has gotten into you?” She demanded. 

“Sorry Nat, guess I woke up with a case of teenage rebellion.” 

“Your father will not be pleased to hear about this.” 

Plagg laughed. “Oh I’m positive he won’t! Go on. Better bite the bullet as they always say.” 

Nathalie looked at him aghast, and headed out of the room.

Adrien floated out of the pocket. “Unbelievable. I’m dead. I’ll be locked in my room forever, and it’s all your fault.” 

“Tut tut,” Plagg patted him on the head. “There’s not a lock on earth that can stop me.” 

After breakfast, Plagg gathered Adrien’s book bag, being kind enough to keep his grades up. But as he reached the front door, Gabriel stopped him with a clearing of his throat. 

Plagg turned and looked at him, but didn’t say a thing. 

“What do you think you’re wearing?” Said Gabriel, with an icy voice. 

Adrien knew that voice. That was a very very bad sign. Plagg was going to get it. Yelling, threats, prison. All of it. A hand reached into the pocket and rubbed between his ears in comfort and reassurance. 

Plagg straightened up slightly, looked Gabriel in the eyes, and stated. “Respect the drip, Gabe.” 

Adrien almost laughed.

Gabriel blinked, then continued with his icy tone. “You are not to address me by my first name. You know that.” 

“Oh. Sure thing, Old Man.” 

Gabriel frowned harder. 

“Or would you prefer ‘Peepums’? Or ‘Daddy-O’?” 

“‘Father’, is ideal. I don’t like this attitude, Adrien. It’s unbecoming.”

“Unbecoming? I think I wear a spine pretty well.” 

Gabriel sputtered. “A sp-spine!? Is that what they’re calling disobedience these days?” 

“It’s a real attention grabber, don’t you think? Because obedience wasn’t cutting it. You barely noticed me then.” 

Gabriel scoffed. “You are always so dramatic! Just like your mother! I raised you better than to act out for attention!” 

“Hmm…interesting. Considering you want me to grab the attention of everyone else in Paris. Or is that not what you meant? Only good attention, right?” 

Gabriel’s nostrils flared. “I’m not impressed, Adrien.” 

“You never are. So what’s new?”

“Go to your room. You want to act like a delinquent? Fine, then suffer the consequences.” 

“How about no? You know, most kids would jump at the chance to skip school. But I actually want to go. Shouldn’t that be a red flag to you, old man?” 

Gabriel took out a small remote from his pocket, and hit a button. The door and windows clicked, locked. 

“You have no choice. As long as you’re under my roof, you’ll follow my rules!” 

Plagg rolled his eyes, giving Adrien another scratch between the ears. “Ugh, gag me. Look Gabe, the more you fight this, the worse it’s going to get.” 

“What?!” 

“I’ve got a lot of pent up frustrations. I may do something drastic. I might hurt myself.” 

Gabriel gave him a little knowing smile. “Teenage rebellion, hm? Fine. I’d like to see you do anything. I can see it in you right now. This is killing you. You’ve always been obedient, and you’ll continue to do so.” 

“You’re calling my bluff?”

“Absolutely. Show me what’s next.” 

Plagg raised an eyebrow, deliberating on what to do. Go all in? 

Ah, what the hell?

“Open the door, and you’ll find out.” 

“No. Absolutely not.” 

Plagg shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He walked over and grabbed a vase. “Is this your pick, or mom’s?” 

“That’s a priceless ming vase, hand selected from a renowned interior designer.” 

“Really? Because there’s a 4 euro price tag on the bottom of it.” 

“What?! No there’s not!” 

“Yeah, you got me that time. It’s actually a Gien.” Then he chucked the vase into the nearest window, breaking the vase and the glass. “Now it’s a mosaic!” 

“That’s coming out of your trust fund!” 

“Oh, like your profits from last quarter wouldn’t cover it! I’m doing both of us a favor.” He stated as he carefully climbed out of the window. 

Gabriel was too stunned to stop him. “And what favor would that be?” 

Once Plagg was on the other side, he peeked back in the window and called. “Fixing our relationship! I’m your son, not your employee! Start treating me like it, and this will all go away!”

“This is blackmail!” 

“No! It’s an intervention! Bye dad! Love you! Off to school!” And he booked it away from the mansion as fast as he could. 

Once he was safely down the street, he took Adrien out of his pocket. He was bawling big tears. 

“You okay, kid?”

“He was so angry…you broke a window! And—he’s going to take my freedom away!” 

“Like I said, there’s not a lock that can stop me. He’ll come around.” 

“You’re not going to ruin my public image, are you?” 

“Adrien, no matter what I do, your fans will always love you. You start being a bad boy? People will eat that up. Relax. You’re worrying too much.” His eyes flicked up, noting the sign to a cafe, “ah, want some coffee?”

“I want my body back.” 

“Coffee it is!”


	2. In Which Plagg Goes to School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks for all the great reviews! They mean a lot! 
> 
> I'm still finishing up two other fics, and this one's on the back burner for a little while. I apologize for pauses between uploads. I hope that makes it worth it!

Plagg arrived at school on foot, which startled several people.

Of course, his choice of dress could have influenced that as well.

"Dude, what are you wearing? And…did you walk to school?"

Plagg held out a second coffee to Nino. "Yep. And as for what I'm wearing, I picked what I thought would make my father the angriest."

"Did it?"

Plagg turned around. "I'm not bleeding am I? I had to break a window to get out of the house."

"Dude!"

"So am I bleeding or what?"

"N-no, you're not. But what's gotten into you? You usually fold like a paper crane when it comes to your dad."

"Ooh, nice analogy. I'm usually pretty partial to Jello left out on the counter at room temperature, when it gets all melty and chunky."

Nino blinked. "I repeat, what's gotten into you?"

"Just tired of being a doormat."

Nino gave a little punch to his shoulder. "Hell yeah, stick it to the man!"

"But my dad's not the only problem I'm trying to fix."

"Oh?"

"You know Lila's a pathological liar, right? And that she's been sexually harassing me for the better part of a year?"

"WHAT?!" Nino shouted.

"Yeah, she's really good at manipulating people to get what she wants. Like how she got herself invited to my photoshoots. Don't know how that happened but it's super unprofessional. Also, she got Marinette expelled. Remember when she said Marinette pushed her down the stairs and garbage? Total lies. She only backed out of it when I threatened our 'friendship'."

"Why didn't you tell me about this before?! Lila's been babysitting Chris! And Ella and Etta! She said she was a certified babysitter!"

"I mean, Marinette's been telling everyone she's a liar for a while. So…"

"Well…" Nino rubbed the back of his head.

"Well what? What reason did Marinette give you to doubt her?"

Nino winced. "…I can't really tell you…it's not my place, and Alya will kill me."

Plagg threw his arms up in the air with a groan, nearly splashing coffee on his crop top. "Is there no communication with you people!? Just talk! Enough with the secrets!"

Nino blinked. "Uh…what other secrets are you talking about?"

Plagg shook his head, realizing he'd spilt a few beans. And some things really did need to remain secret. "Ugh, whatever. Doesn't matter. You just…spill!"

"No way dude! Marinette's my friend, and I won't tell her secrets without her permission!"

Plagg rested a hand on his shoulder. "You're a good dude, you know?"

"Oh so now it's a good thing that I'm hiding stuff from you? Pick a mood."

Instead, Plagg took a sip from his coffee. Having a human tongue again was so weird. It was a complexed organ with equal taste buds, instead of the 'smelly savory' he was used to as a kwami.

And if Adrien didn't like cheese, it wouldn't be likely that Plagg would still enjoy it in his body. His eyes glanced around the entrance of the school, taking notice of all the people who were side-eyeing him. Nearly everyone had their attention on him and Nino, though they were trying to be sneaky about it.

Humans were so funny.

And then he noticed Marinette approaching. She looked awful. Big bags under her eyes, dragging her feet, slouched shoulders. The look of a guardian who was downtrodden and exhausted.

"Hey Nino, wanna see something hilarious?"

"Absolutely."

"Here, hold this." He handed him his coffee. Then he tighten the sleeves of the flannel around his waist and ran full speed at Marinette, his arms out at his sides. "MAAAARRRRIIIINNEEETTTEEE!" He shouted.

Hearing her name being shouted startled the poor girl, and she seized up, holding her arms to her chest. Plagg collided with her, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug and lifting to spin her around several times.

"Ad-d-d-rrrriiieennn!" She exclaimed, as she was rag dolled around.

Finally, he set her back on her feet and patted her on the head. "Sorry, you looked like you needed an extreme hug."

A big smile emerged on her face, accompanied by a very endearing blush. "Thanks Adrien. I did! I feel better now!"

Plagg knew it would take more than an intense hug to fix everything on Marinette's plate. There was likely more bothering her than just the loss of Master Fu, too. But he was out to fix Adrien's problems, not hers. But hopefully, one of his problems would directly help her.

"Um…" Marinette started, looking him up and down. "Your father let you out of the house like that?"

"Oh, absolutely not. I snuck out."

"Adrien!" She gawked.

"It'll be fine." He waved her off.

Alya approached them, her jaw on the floor. "Adrien, what was that?"

Nino was just a step behind her, giggling.

"Have you never seen an epic hug before? Nino, you need to step up your game."

"I guess I do!" Nino chuckled. "Here's your coffee back, dude."

"Thanks." Plagg took the coffee with one hand while the other stayed firmly over Marinette's shoulder.

"You're being kind of friendly with Marinette this morning, aren't you?"

Plagg shrugged. "I just happen to think her shoulder is a really nice arm rest."

"Did you ask her permission?"

"Oh, you know, I didn't. Can I put my arm around you, Marinette?"

Marinette's giant panicked grin and a high pitch squeal was the only response he got.

"I'll take that as a yes." He squeezed her.

"Oh!" Alya chirped, taking out her phone. "Lila had an akuma in her room last night! Ladybug and Chat Noir stayed afterwards and hung out with her afterwards to make sure she was okay! She gave me this interview for my blog—"

"FAKE NEWS!" Plagg shouted, startling everyone around him. Alya almost dropped her phone.

"What?" She asked.

"I said, Fake News. There was no akuma last night."

"How do you know?" Alya got defensive. "The akuma alarm only goes off when someone sees the akuma. It happened so late last night, that no one was awake."

"I have an akuma sixth sense." Plagg explained, ignoring Adrien pinching his thigh inside his shirt. "But besides that, Lila is a big, bold-faced liar."

Alya sighed, rolling her eyes. "I expect that from Marinette, but you too now?"

"I've always known Lila was a liar, but I tried to play nice because she's super destructive when she wants to be. Just look at what she did to Marinette!"

Alya gave Marinette a once over, looking for injuries. "I don't follow."

Plagg huffed. "The expulsion? Surely you're not dumb enough to believe that Lila has some sort of disease that makes her…what did she say? Periodically lie? Misremember? I can't even remember what she said, but she revoked her evidence to get Marinette back into school."

Alya frowned. "She told me she was taking the heat for whoever this real person is. Someone wanted Marinette out of school, and Lila retracted her evidence because she knows Marinette wouldn't do that stuff."

Plagg blew a loud raspberry at her, making spittle fly into her face. "Of course she told you that, because she can't possibly be seen as the villain."

"What are you getting at, Adrien?"

"I'm the reason Lila retracted her evidence. She targeted Marinette. She's _been_ targeting Marinette. I gave her an ultimatum. She could stop lying about Marinette, or I would retract our supposed 'friendship' and get her removed from modeling with me."

Alya and Nino just blinked at him several times, before Alya shouted, "WHAT?!"

"Yeah, like I said, I didn't say anything because I didn't want her to get akumatized, she may have turned on me, and I assumed eventually she'd lie herself into a hole and everyone would figure her out. But I guess everyone is denser than I expected."

"Harsh, bro."

"Nah. You'll thank me for this. Especially you, Alya. You want a reputable blog, right? What am I saying? You, of course, double check all of your sources! And if someone makes any outlandish claims that could get someone in trouble, you don't just post them willy-nilly. That's why I like you, Alya, you're discerning and thorough!"

Alya opened her mouth to retort, but shut it right after. "Yeah. Thanks." She finally said.

Marinette groaned. "Here comes the devil herself."

Lila sashayed up to the group, wrapping her arms around Plagg and yanking him free from Marinette. "Adrien! It's so good to see you this morning! I had such a fun time at the shoot—"

Plagg didn't let her finish before he forcefully ripped himself out of her grasp. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

His shout drew attention from everyone else around.

Lila laughed it off awkwardly. "Oh Adrien, you scared me! I'm not going to hurt you." And she reached for him again.

But Plagg danced away from her, behind Marinette and shouted. "HEY DON'T TOUCH ME THERE! THIS IS MY NO-NO SQUARE!"

Marinette was the only one that laughed, but it was mostly just a choked snort.

"What are you talking about?" Lila asked, pouting, "I wasn't touching you anywhere bad."

"R-A-P-E! GET YOUR HANDS AWAY FROM ME!"

"I think maybe you should keep your hands to yourself," Marinette said gently.

The flittering rage on Lila's face went ignored by Alya and Nino. "I'm not sure what's going on. Adrien's just being kind of goofy today."

"I agree," said Nino. "You break out of your house, now this? This is more than not being a doormat."

Plagg realized he may have taken things a bit too far too fast, and that his cover was in danger of being blown.

"Well! Would you look at the time! I gotta piss! See you in class!" And he took off running into the school.

Being inside a pocket meant that he didn't always see what direction Adrien went. But the bathroom was easy enough to find once he double backed on himself.

Thankfully, the bathroom was empty. And Adrien emerged the second the stall closed. "What did I say!? You wouldn't last five minutes! Everyone is suspicious of you! And what was that thing with Marinette? I thought you were going to fix my problems with Ladybug!"

Plagg held up his hands in defense. "Relax. I just got a little ahead of myself. You know, taking advantage of the situation?"

"What situation?"

"Alya brought up Lila, not me! I couldn't pretend to care! I can't even pretend to care about your problems and I love you!"

"Aw, Plagg. You love me?"

"That's what you got out of that?"

"I knew you were a big softy."

"You know who's actually soft? You." He poked his stomach. "That's what's got you in the situation in the first place!"

"Um, I'd argue it was your trickery."

"So you're soft and gullible. Got it."

"Hey!"

"Like I said last night, kid: You've only been on this planet for 15 years, and social for one. You're bound to be a little naïve. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Tikki would say it's honorable."

"And what would you call it?"

Plagg put a finger to his mouth in mock thought. "Unfortunate."

Adrien sighed, losing altitude. "You still didn't answer my question about Marinette."

"Trust me, getting cosy with Marinette is the key to solving your Ladybug trouble."

"You better not flirt with her! I don't like her that way, and I don't want to break her heart."

"You say that now…"

The bathroom door opened, so Plagg was quick to usher Adrien back into the pocket. "I'll roll it back a little, happy?"

"Not in the slightest."

—

Plagg appeared in the classroom just in time for class to start.

"YO, WHAT IS UP MY DUDES!?" He called, walking into the room with a beat in his step.

The scoff from his pocket went unnoticed by everyone else.

"Adrien, you know I'm not a fan of yelling in my classroom." Miss Bustier warned, patiently.

"Sorry Teach."

"And your outfit is outside of the dress code. Do you have something that covers your mid-drift?"

"No problems there, baby." He untied the flannel from around his waist, and slipped it over his shoulders, then buttoned the bottom few buttons, unaligned. "There, Gucci right?"

She raised an eyebrow, "And the sunglasses?"

"Sorry teach, I've got a major migraine and, low-key, kind of want to die. Glasses stay on, or I will cry."

Miss Bustier just sighed. "As long as you're not disrupting my class, I suppose that's fine."

"Sick." And he slid into his desk, propping his shoes up on the table.

"Sit in your chair like a normal person, please."

Plagg had to glance around to see how everyone else was sitting before he corrected his posture.

Now that he was wearing the flannel, it was a lot less comfortable for Adrien to be in the pocket. He poked and prodded at Plagg's chest to be moved. Thankfully, Plagg had mercy on him and scooped him from his pocket and deposited him into his bag.

From the bag, Adrien tried to watch Plagg, but he seemed to settle down once Miss Bustier started the lesson. Was he even taking notes?

"Plagg!" A sharp hiss came from his side, before a red kwami appeared.

"Tikki?" He choked.

"What the heck is going on with your holder?! He's acting really really weird!"

"Um…"

"My holder is worried about him!"

"She is? She saw all that?"

Tikki huffed. "How could she not?! She's right there!" And she made the fatal mistake of pointing at Marinette.

In hindsight, it was pretty obvious. He had guessed before, and he had hunches, but she had very cleverly removed herself from suspicion during Kwami Buster with Multimouse.

"Oh…that's why he said buttering up to Marinette would solve my Ladybug problem."

Tikki frowned. "What are you talking about? Who said what?"

Adrien awkwardly scratched his ear. "Heh…it seems there's been a tiny mix up. I'm not—" but a bunch of bubbles came out of his mouth. "Ugh. I'm Adrien."

Tikki's eyes grew impossibly large. "YOU'RE—" she grabbed him and yanked him down, phasing into the steps below.

It was an odd sensation, one that he didn't get to think about before Tikki was yelling at him. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU'RE ADRIEN?! You're supposed to be Plagg! And only Plagg!"

"I don't know! It all happened so fast! Last night we had an argument about my problems and he said it wasn't that big of a deal and I said he wouldn't be able to handle it and he said he'd fix it right away and then he made some pact and then I woke up like this and he was like that and I don't know what to do!"

"Okay, first, take a breath." She instructed, calmly.

He did so, taking another, and another, "okay...okay...I'm calm."

"Okay. Good. Now, what were the conditions of the pact?"

"I...I'm not sure? He said he was going to fix three big problems of mine."

"Which are?"

"Repairing my relationship with my father."

"Yikes. Okay, and?"

"Getting Lila to stop bothering me."

"Okay, what else?"

"And get Ladybug to love me back."

"That dirty rotten cheater!" She scowled.

"What?"

"Ugh," she rubbed her nubs over her head. "Promise you won't get mad?"

"Um...sure."

"Plagg and I both knew how you felt about..her. We had a running bet who would fall for who first, Adrien for Marinette, or Ladybug for Chat Noir."

He frowned at her. "I thought you were the mature one."

"I am. But I'm also thousands of years old. Teenager's love lives are like…corny TV shows for me. Besides, we're not supposed to meddle in the affairs of the human world." She glanced up towards the stairs, where Plagg was sitting on the other side.

"Does he do this a lot?"

"Not every wielder, but many."

"And…does it always work out?"

She was quiet a long time. "More often than not."

"But he has failed before?"

"There was one time where the contract was too difficult and he and his holder switched bodies until the holder's body died. At which point, Plagg's consciousness expelled the human's soul from the kwami's body and they perished."

"Jesus actual Christ."

"No, it wasn't him. Nice guy though! Very wise!"

"That's not what I—" He sighed. "Look, is there anyway to undo this? He's ruining so much!"

"I'm really sorry Adrien, but the only way to get switched back into your body is to complete the pact."

Adrien growled. "He could have at least given me a heads up! He just said he'd 'handle it'. I didn't know we'd switch bodies!" He slammed his paws into his face.

"Look, I'll tell Marinette as soon as possible, maybe she'll know what to do."

"No! Tikki you can't tell her!"

"I have too. As guardian, she must be aware of all the shenanigans that the Kwami's are getting into. She has to know about this."

"But she can't!" He begged. "This is all my fault! I was naïve and dumb and I didn't think things through—" He moaned. "She's going to be so disappointed with me!"

Tikki poked him hard. "Adrien. This is not your fault! This is Plagg's doing. He's tricky, and can be very selfish sometimes. She can't blame you."

"Please Tikki, I know she's going to figure me out sooner or later. Plagg's doing a really bad job."

"I'll say."

"But when that happens, I'll come clean and explain everything myself. But until then, can you just…pretend like nothing is wrong?"

Tikki sighed. "I hate keeping secrets from her. But, fine. Since you asked so nicely. Maybe you'll get your body switched back before she suspects."

He winced. "Ugh, except one of the conditions of the pact is to get Ladybug to fall in love with me. And if he's trying to get Lady-nette to fall in love with him, then if we switch back, she'll be in love with Plagg-me and not me-me!"

"Um…I don't think that's going to be a problem…"

"Wait, what?"

"You remember that TV show where they went into her room and your photos were everywhere?"

"She said she just liked fashion…and she promised she wasn't lying…"

"It was a half truth, at least. She does like fashion, and you are her favorite model. But…that other boy she keeps rejecting Chat for? That's you."

If a blush could be seen on black fur, he'd be the same color as Tikki. "What? Really? How come she never told me!?"

"Oh, she tried. Remember when you brought her medicine back from England?"

"Yeah?"

"That prescription she gave you was for Master Fu. She gave the pharmacist the love letter she was supposed to give you after you got on the train."

"Oh no!"

"The wax statue incident? That was her practicing. That beret from a 'brazilian fan'? That was from her. That blue scarf your father got you for your birthday? That was also from her. She's tried, Adrien. But she's either chickened out, or something's gone horrendously wrong."

"Oh Marinette…" His ears went flat, his heart breaking for her. "All this time?"

"Since you gave her your umbrella in the rain when you first met."

"Oh no! That long!? My poor lady!"

"And she's been trying to get over you since she thinks you're in love with Kagami. So I'm assuming Plagg's trying to convince her that you like her instead."

Since he awoke in this strange little useless body, Adrien was pissed at Plagg. But now he was beginning to realize how big of a favor this was. How close he had been to losing her, and hopefully it wasn't too late.

Still sucked though.

"Oh god…he's going to have to talk to Kagami too! I don't know if I can bear to watch this!"

"Well, you don't really have a choice. And you stand a pretty good chance of getting your body back soon. I…think Plagg knows what he's doing."

"You think?"

"I hope."

"Ugh…"

"Look, if you need help, you know where to find me. I'll be in my holder's bag here at school. Though, today, unless there's an akuma, I'll sit with you in your bag and tell you whatever you need to know about being a Kwami."

"Oh yeah! How is superheroing going to work? How do I transform?"

"It'll probably be the same. He'll say your name instead of his own. Then you'll get to see what he sees and hear what he hears. Cataclysm draws from this body's form, so he'll call on it when he needs it, as well as your other powers."

"Other powers?"

"Sure. There's more than just Cataclysm. But I'm sure he's waiting to teach you them until you're ready."

"To be honest...he never really taught me Cata—"

Tikki was quick to slap a paw over his mouth. "DON'T SAY IT!"

"Oh, is it like transformed rules? You say it, you activate it?"

"Yes, but in this form it's incredibly powerful, and you don't know how to dismiss it! You activate it and bump into something, and you nuke Paris! That is a forbidden word!"

"Okay! I'll take your word for it."

"We should probably get back up top, no telling what trouble Plagg's gotten into already."

"But we're in class. He should just be sitting there."

"You're underestimating Plagg's attention span."

Phasing back up through the floor and into Adrien's bag, they could hear Adrien's voice.

"...and of course you're not even going to talk about the ramifications of Phillip the V's denial of his niece on the throne."

"Louis X's daughter? She never took the french throne."

"Oh, yes she did! She held it for 6 years in 1316, Phillip only recanted her name after her rule was revoked. Furthermore, after she died, her legitimacy as Louis' blood relative was called into question. Her mother was branded as an adulterer."

Miss Bustier hummed. "I never heard of this. Where did you read this, Adrien?"

"Oh I didn't read it, I saw it—in a documentary! That's right! On the Hundred Year War! That's right!"

"You'll have to tell me what that documentary is, I'm very interested to see that! But you were saying something about Louis X's daughter on the throne?"

Adrien had to refrain from smacking himself in the face. Not 15 minutes into class, and Plagg was already rewriting history.

Had they even gotten to the Hundred Years War?

A knock saved Adrien from second hand embarrassment.

"Come in," called Miss Bustier.

Adrien couldn't see who was at the door, but they were being silent.

"Um…can I help you?"

There was a grunt.

"You're here for Adrien?"

Adrien, in kwami form, peered out ever so carefully from his bag, only to see the Gorilla standing in the front of the room.

Uh oh.

"...hey big guy..." Plagg tried to greet as enthusiastically as he could.

Another grunt, and the Gorilla motioned towards the door with his head.

"Sorry, but I'm in the middle of class. We were just discussing the conditions that led up to the Hundred Years War. I know dad's pissed that I left this morning, but I'll be home after school..."

The Gorilla shook his head and started to advance on him, his hands open and making to grab him.

Plagg however, was not above evasive maneuvers. He hopped up on the desk.

"You'll never take me alive!"

The Gorilla never stopped advancing and shot his arms out to grab Plagg by the waist.

But Plagg leapt from the table and landed on the Gorilla's shoulders, riding him like a bull.

The Gorilla swung around, flailing his arms trying to dislodge Plagg from where he was mounted, but Plagg dug his heels in and held fast.

"YEEEEEEEEEE—HAW!"

The Gorilla bucked and swung, making Plagg rag doll around, but he still would not let go!

Finally, starting to get dizzy, Plagg twisted in place and pinched the bodyguard in a particular place on the shoulder, and he dropped like a sack of potatoes, unconscious, on the floor.

Plagg simply climbed off of him, dusted himself off, and took his seat. "Now...where were we?"

"Principal's office. Now."


	3. In Which Plagg Spoils his Friends

The walk to the Principal's office wasn’t that long, but it felt like it with the dagger’s Adrien was staring at him. 

“I know what you’re going to say—“ 

“You knocked him unconscious.” 

“What was I supposed to do? Let him drag me all the way back to the mansion, making me escape again?” 

“You’re doing this all wrong! Father doesn’t like disobedience! He’s just going to tighten the leash every time you act up! It’s better if you just apologize now and then follow his orders to a T.”

“Listen to yourself, Adrien.” Plagg paused one the hall. “Orders? Disobedience? You make him sound like a prison warden, and not a father! You always followed his rules and it’s gotten you nowhere.” 

“I was better off then than I am now...” 

“Yes, you were.” Plagg admitted. “Not going to lie, this is going to get way worse before it gets better. But I’ve already made my intentions known to him, so he’ll know that I’m not just being rebellious without due cause. I’ll just have to keep pushing until he cracks.” 

“I hate this.” 

“Cheer up kid. Just enjoy the ride. I’ll take care of everything.”

Adrien just groaned as they reached the Principal's office and he dove back into his pocket. 

Plagg knocked. 

“Yes yes, come in.”

Inside, Mr. Damocles only spared Plagg a glance. “Yes, Mr. Agreste, what do you need?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Then can it wait until after school? I’m very busy.”

“Okay.” And he walked back outside.

“You were supposed to tell him about what happened in class, and he was going to punish you!” Adrien chastised. 

“I don’t want to be punished.” Plagg shrugged. 

Adrien just groaned again. “You will be the death of me.” 

“ _ Adrien, don’t be so dramatic. _ ” Plagg impersonated his father. “ _ Emotions are for peasants. We rich people have no need for feelings. _ ”

“Damn, that’s really accurate.” 

“I practice.” 

Adrien floated out of the pocket. “By the way…why didn’t you tell me Marinette was Ladybug?”

Plagg halted and leaned against the railing. “How’d you figure that out?”

“Tikki.”

Plagg snorted. “I bet she felt pretty stupid for letting that slip.”

“She said you’re a cheater.” 

He shrugged. “She has the same ability as me. She’s just too much of a goody-goody two shoes. Anyway, I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t supposed to.”

“You’re also not supposed to put cheese in my shoes, but that doesn’t stop you.” 

“That’s different. The whole identity rule was put in place by the Guardians. Master Fu, the guardians before him, and now Marinette. That’s a little more binding.” 

Adrien wilted, knowing he was beaten. 

“But you’re on board with my plan now, right? Flirting with Marinette?”

“Sure, but Tikki said she’s already in love with me.”

“That’s true, but she doesn’t  _ know _ you’re in love with her. And instead of just confessing, I’m going to slowly convince her that she’s the one you’re in love with.”

“Why do it slowly?”

“Two reasons.” Plagg held up his fingers. “One: I want to leave the mushy gushy confession stuff to you, and B: it’s more fun this way.”

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

“Yes. One worthy of the Louvre. I’m glad you’ve finally noticed.” He swiped Adrien out of the air and tucked him into his pocket. “Now, we must get back to class. While I certainly lived the Hundred Years War,  _ you _ still need to know what’s going to be on the test.” 

Plagg walked back into the classroom, completely unbothered.

Miss Bustier looked surprised to see his return. The Gorilla was propped up against the wall with a washcloth on his forehead. He was still unconscious. “Back already? What did Mr. Damocles have to say about your behavior?”

“He took away one of my good noodle stars.” 

Someone in the back of the room snorted.

Miss Bustier sighed, as if she had been expecting this. “Alright, take your seat, Adrien. I better not hear a peep out of you for the rest of the day.” 

“You got it, teach!” 

—

At lunch, Plagg turned in his seat and addressed Nino. “Hey, you busy after school?” 

“Uh...Alya and I had a date, but if you’re free I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if I postponed!” 

“It’s a little rude to cancel plans without consulting the person you made them with, don’t you think?” Alya snarked, leaning forward. 

“Oh my apologies, madam.” Plagg bowed. “Dost thou mind if thine beloved joins me on an errand after school?” 

“But Adrien,” interrupted Marinette. “Don’t you have fencing after school?” 

“Hmm, you’re right. I have to keep up appearances.” 

“What?” 

“After fencing then.” 

“Hmm, how about this,” suggested Alya. “What if we come watch your fencing practice, and then we all go together.” 

Plagg blanched. “Eh, I don’t really want to be a third wheel.” 

“You wouldn’t. Marinette’s coming too!” 

“Oh!” He hopped up on his knees, eagerly getting into her space. “Like a double date? That sounds like fun!” 

“Date?!” Stuttered Marinette, “Uh, yeah! Sure!” Then her face pulled into a wince. “That is, if you don’t want to go with Kagami instead...” 

“Nah, this is an errand meant for the OG crew. Wouldn’t want anyone else! So what are we doing for lunch?” 

“You don’t have to go home?” 

“Sure, I  _ have _ to, but I don’t  _ want _ to. Let’s see...” he took out his wallet. Inside, there were several credit cards, but only one in Gabriel’s name. 

“I’ll cover lunch, let's hit the most expensive restaurant there is! Daddy’s paying!” 

—

After lunch, the group walked back to school, with the boys taking the lead while the girls hung back a few steps. 

“Okay, as much as I love new Adrien,” Alya whispered. “There’s definitely something up with him.” 

“Yeah. I noticed the minute I saw him this morning. I’m really worried about him.” 

“Eh, I wouldn’t be worried about him. I’d be worried about everyone else.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I just mean...he’s gotten a taste of power somewhere, and it’s bound to explode outward. I’m sure that triple digit bill at lunch is not going to go over well with his father. If he’s messing with his dad and with Lila...when is it going to stop?” 

“No. Adrien’s not like that. I think he’s acting out for attention.” 

“You think he’d do that?” 

“I...I don’t know. But I think it’s closer to what’s happening. Adrien is good and kind, he’s not snotty like Chloe. I think this is just honest to goodness rebellion.” 

Plagg turned around and called back to the girls. “Do you think a tattoo would suit me?” Then he grabbed his leg in pain. “Ouch! Cramp!” 

“Definitely rebellion.” 

—

After school, Nino, Alya, and Marinette took a seat under the shady courtyard stairs so they could work on homework and watch Adrien’s practice at the same time. 

Nino spread out his books and then leaned back on his elbows. 

“You guys noticed how frickin weird Adrien’s been acting today?” 

“Yes!” The girls said unanimously. 

“We were just talking about that at lunch!” Said Alya. “Marinette says it's a rebellion. I say he’s tasting the rich boy power.” 

Nino screwed up his lips. “I think you’re both wrong. I think he’s magically switched bodies with someone...or something...” 

“Dude, what the hell are you talking about?” Alya stared at him, blank-faced. 

“Come on, you can’t seriously rule that out! What if there’s a body swapping Akuma out and about that we don’t know about yet?” 

“You think Adrien’s an Akuma?” 

“Or under the effects of one.” Nino clarified. “Maybe someone out to ruin his reputation...or something more sinister...” 

“If that’s the case, we should grill him. Ask him questions only the real Adrien would know.” 

“Yeah!” Nino stood. “Like that one episode of Spongebob!” 

“We should definitely not take advice from a children’s show.” 

“Or…we should.” 

Adrien emerged from the locker room, foil in hand and dressed in his gear. There was still something off about him. Were his pants on backwards?

“Hey Adrien!” Nino called. 

Like an excited puppy, Adrien trotted over. “Sup homes?”

“What’s your favorite vine?”

He rubbed his chin. “Odd question. But I suppose it’d be a trumpet, or perhaps a Honeysuckle.” 

“Uhh…” Nino raised a brow at him, suspicion rising. 

“Oh, you mean one of your silly little internet videos.” Immediately, Adrien dropped into a fighting stance. “DON’T EFF WITH ME! I’VE GOT THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE! AHHHHHH!” 

“ **Yep, that’s Adrien.** ”

—

While Alya and Nino got to work on their homework, Marinette was constantly distracted by Adrien. Nothing new, of course, but it wasn’t all ‘grace’ and ‘elegance’.

It was ‘sneaky’ and ‘unlawful’.

Whenever Adrien’s partner was turned away, Adrien grabbed the tip of his saber, and bent it, only to release it a second later to snap on his opponent’s rear end. 

“Hey!”

“You had a fly.” 

“Mr. Agreste!” The coach called. “I don’t tolerate unsportsmanlike conduct! One more goof, and you’re out of practice!” 

“Just one more?”

“One more!”

*TWACK*

“Out you go!”

“Thanks!” And Adrien walked right off the mat and over to the locker room. He came out a few minutes later, looking even more disheveled than he was this morning. His hair was a sweaty rat’s nest.

“Now that I’ve been kicked out of fencing, who wants to run some errands!?” 

Alya slammed her book shut. “Me is ready. Me can't read anymore!” 

“Well, me is hungry,” said Nino. “Can we get food first?”

“Snacks it is!” 

But before they could even go anywhere, Kagami appeared, looking rightfully confused. “You’re skipping fencing today?”

“Correction, was kicked out of fencing today!” 

Her eyes widened in horror, before she frowned hard. “That’s not something to joke about Adrien.” 

“I’m not joking, I was goofing around and Coach kicked me out of practice.”

She shook her head. “That’s disappointing, Adrien. I expected better from you.” 

In Plagg’s pocket, Adrien gave a little gasp of pain. Hearing his father’s disappointment was one thing, but hearing that from Kagami was horribly painful. 

But Plagg rolled with it easily. “Kagami, let’s talk.” He turned to his friends. “I’ll be back in a little bit, think about where you want to eat.” Then Plagg led Kagami over to a secluded corner so they could speak privately. 

In the pocket, Adrien prayed that Plagg would be nice to her. 

Once they were a distance away, Kagami crossed her arms and levelled a glare at him. “If you are going to tell me to loosen up, I am. But you know how important fencing is for me. I want you to have friends, but I don’t like you blowing off responsibilities.”

“Kagami,” Plagg folded his hands in front of him. “This is bigger than us.”

Her face paled. “What? What are you saying?”

“I’m saying, you and I are leading different lives—“

“You’re breaking up with me?” She sniffed. 

“Ah ah, technically, we were never really dating in the first place.” 

“But—“ 

“I’m going to explain something to you, and I want you to listen and hear it objectively, as much as it will hurt. Don’t take it personally, alright?” 

She nodded sadly. 

“You think you’re in love with me, because you think you should be. I’m the only male friend you have that’s our age, and because of the affection you have for me, you’re assuming that it’s infatuation, when really, it’s just a connection.”

She blinked, frowning, but her eyes weren’t tearing up anymore. 

“I’m in a similar boat to you, where I started to like my first female friend on instinct. It was only until I made other female friends that I realized what I felt for her was really love, and not just the thrill of having a friend that’s a girl.” 

“Then…how do you know I don’t feel the same? I get what you’re saying, but I think I really love you.”

“Do you? Or do you love the idea of me? Do you love the idea of having a male companion that you can bond with?”

“I do like that…”

“Can you imagine it being someone other than me?”

“I don’t know who else it would be…”

“Make up a person. Pretend you’re talking to someone else, getting ice cream with someone else. Do you feel like you could get the same thing you want from me from someone else? Or is it something only I can give? Is it companionship? Or is it my sense of humor, my topics, my interests, my opinions?”

Kagami crossed her arms, now deep in thought.

“Kagami, I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I do care a lot about you, and I really enjoy fencing with you. But…I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life with you. We’re  _ too _ alike, and yet too different. Our discussions are shallow, and I don’t think you want the same things from life as I do. But I think you want a boyfriend, and I was the closest boy available.” 

Kagami unfolded her arms, and raised her head to look at him levelly. “Yes, I suppose that is an accurate assessment. You do do things that irritate me, like fooling around in serious moments. Every time I brought up the future, you clammed up. I can see you live for the now and not for tomorrow, which is difficult to build a relationship on.” 

Both Plagg and Adrien sighed. She was taking this extremely well, given her track record for akumatizations. 

“I suppose I do need to make more male friends. I think that would be smart to learn more about what I want in a partner. And we can always revisit our relationship in the future, right?”

“Umm, maybe…?”

She frowned again. “Oh, yes, you said earlier that you are in love with someone else. It’s Marinette, isn’t it?”

Plagg grinned. “Pretty obvious, isn’t it?”

“I was in disbelief when you called her a ‘really good friend’. I saw it a mile away, but since neither of you were making a move, I decided to ‘shoot my shot’ as they say.”

Plagg figured that’s how it was, but Adrien was gawking at her from inside the pocket.  _ She knew?? And she didn’t tell him?! _

“I suppose I should have expected this conversation as well. But I appreciate your insight. I think you’re right. I just want a boyfriend.” She shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t have to be you.” 

Plagg sighed again. “Thank you, Kagami.” 

“No, thank you, Adrien. Thank you for breaking this off before I got too invested. You know how much I hate wasting time.” And with that, she walked off. 

Once she was out of earshot, Plagg whistled lowly. “Whoa, burn. Dodged a bullet there, pal.” 

“The time we spent together was not a waste!” Adrien protested. “Anytime spent with friends should be cherished!” 

Plagg cupped him in his hand, rubbing right between the ears. “Hey, come on kid. She didn’t mean it like that. She can be as cool and calm as she wanted, but she’s still hurt. But I swear, it’s better for both of you this way, especially since you’re in love with Marinette.” 

“I know…it just…sucks.” 

“Sure it does. But it won’t forever.” Then he popped him back inside the pocket. “Come on! Let’s meet up with the others! We have some shopping to do!” 

“What are we shopping for, exactly?”

“Tools to use to piss off your old man.” 

“Uh, been there, done that?” 

“Oh no, my teeny tiny friend, we have much left to do.  _ Much left. _ ” 

—

_ “Touching me…” _

_ “Touching you…” _

_ “SWEET CAMEMBERT! BAH BAH BAH— _ “

“Now,” Nino interrupted their little impromptu karaoke down the sidewalk, “my English might not be very good, but I’m pretty sure it’s ‘Sweet Caroline’ not ‘Sweet Camembert.’” 

“Aw,” Plagg waved his hand. “It’s not important what the lyrics are, it’s just important that you  _ feel _ the song.”

Nino, as a DJ, looked aghast. “Of course it’s important to know the lyrics! Why do you think they’re written that way?”

“Relax, I love making cheese parodies of songs. I’m not going to go to Jagged Stone and argue that my lyrics are better.” 

“Um…since when do you make cheese parodies? And aren’t you like, low key lactose intolerant?”

“Allergies can’t stop the cheese, my friend. Why do you think I take so many bathroom breaks?” 

Adrien pinched him from inside the pocket, but Plagg just swatted him back. Did he not see the opportunity he was just given? A perfect cover for when he had to go fight akumas!

All he had to do was become the weird cheese kid. Such were the sacrifices of being a hero. 

“Oh!” Marinette exclaimed as they walked past a boutique. “That is adorable!” She stared at a dress in the window. 

Plagg’s ears metaphorically perked up and he swooped in to make a move. He laid an arm on her shoulder. “Oh, yes Marinette, that’s extremely cute. I think it would look nice on you! Can I buy it for you?” He gave her a smooth smile. 

Adrien facepalmed in his pocket. 

“What! You want to—for me? No! No…I can certainly make it on my own!” She snapped a picture of the dress. “I think I could find a print I like better too.” 

Plagg was not deterred. “Oh, then perhaps I could buy the fabric for you? It’s not often that I get to buy things for my friends!” 

“Dude, you bought us lunch today.” Said Nino, with some concern. “You okay? Like…you’re not going to start giving away your personal belongings, are you?”

“No, unless I have something you want? A video game perhaps?”

“Stop it. You’re freaking me out.” 

This actually did give Plagg pause. In all his experience of human history, supplementing friendships with presents was the easiest way to manipulate people. What was he doing wrong? Was Adrien not generous enough?

“You know…” Nino scratched the back of his head, “they say when your friends start being super nice and giving stuff away and talking about personal things…it’s a sign of them being suicidal.”

Adrien’s bite was sorely deserved, Plagg decided as he flinched. “No! No no, gods no!” He laughed awkwardly. “I just…decided to be a little more…generous?” 

Marinette laid a hand on his arm. “Adrien, never feel like you have to buy our friendship. We like spending time with you, no matter how we get it.” 

Plagg tightened his jaw. He knew what he had to do, but mushy-ness and feelings were his least favorite thing in the world. 

He took her hand and held it. “Thank you Marinette. I love you, all of you. It’s so important to me that I get to spend time with you too, and I’m happiest when I’m with my friends. I just wanted to show my appreciation.”

Nino sniffled and wiped his eyes. “We love you too man.” 

_ Slam dunk. _

—

The shopping trip went splendidly. His target was horribly gaudy clothes that would offend his father. He used Marinette as a litmus test. If she gaped in shock, it was perfect. 

Most of his purchases ended up being cheap tourist shirts, ‘Hawaiian’ shirts as they were often referred to. 

After the initial shock of Plagg subjecting them to the eye sores, it started to turn into a game. 

“Look Adrien! This one’s got little croissants on it!” Marinette said with glee. 

“I love it,” Plagg stated, holding it up to Adrien’s body in the mirror. “But, all of these shirts are still just a little too normal. I think it’ll piss my dad off, but it’s not enough to push him into absolutely indignant.”

Marinette shrugged. “I mean, we are in Paris, the fashion capital of the world.” 

Nino was the one that held up two shirts together. “I mean, you could wear these two at the same time.” One was a sunset orange, and the other was a vibrant Microsoft Blue Screen of death blue. It was painful to look at them next to each other.

Marinette made a loud, gasp, it almost sounded like a honk. “Nino.” 

“What? I thought we were going for gaudy?” 

“We are, we are, you’re a genius!” 

“I mean, of course I am, but what did I do?” 

She took the two shirts and examined the seams. “I might doom myself, but I can separate these shirts and re-sew them. Basically, making two new shirts!” 

Plagg laughed maniacally. “Oh Marinette, my dear, that’s downright diabolical!” 

Marinette blushed, but she smiled proudly. “I can probably do a couple of these shirts, as long as they’re the same style. It might take me a few days—“ 

Plagg hugged her from the side and kissed her cheek loudly and obnoxiously. “That would be amazing! Thank you Marinette!” 

Gauging by the way the girl melted into the floor, Plagg assumed he had scored a few points. 


	4. In Which Plagg and Gabriel Argue

After the shopping trip, the teens walked back to the school together, and then separated. 

“Ugh, walking is exhausting.” Plagg groaned. 

“You’re using my muscles, you know.” Adrien spoke, poking out of the pocket. “I don’t usually walk this much, since my bodyguard drives me everywhere.” 

“Well, then I’m sure this is good for you.” Plagg stomped in big steps. “But I haven’t used legs since the last time I switched with a wielder, so I get to complain.” 

“I think by that logic, you don’t get to complain, because you usually get to float. And not going to lie…it’s pretty sweet.” 

“Just wait until you start floating in your sleep, and then you phase through the ceiling and then keep going and end up in space.” 

Adrien froze, staring up at his own face from the pocket. “That can happen?” 

“Oh yes. Good luck sleeping tonight!”

Not too much longer, Plagg arrived back at the Agreste manor. 

He could feel Adrien shaking in his pocket. “What’s up, Bub?” 

“My father is going to be waiting for you. I just know it. He’s going to yell and threaten to pull you out of school—“ 

“What, like he did this morning? Relax. There’s plenty of windows in the mansion.” 

But Adrien came spiraling out of the shirt to look Plagg in the eyes. “But I don’t want you to break anymore windows! I don’t want you to make my father angry anymore! You’re hurting him!” 

Plagg gave him a hard look. “Is that what you think, Adrien? That your disobedience hurts him?” 

“Why else would he be mean? He loves me...” 

Plagg reached up and scratched his ears. “Of course he does, kid. But...sometimes, in people like your dad, love isn’t the strongest motivator. I know it is with you. Love is about the only thing that controls you. Your love for your friends, for your family, your city, for Ladybug...that all drives your decisions.” 

Adrien was quiet as he agreed. 

“But for people like your father, they’re driven by power. They base decisions on what will make them look good and get more respect. He does love you, Adrien, but he wants your unconditional loyalty. He doesn’t want you to question him, or to disagree with him, because you’re his son. He made you, and you’re half of him. So if anyone is to be completely submitted to his will, it’s you.” 

Adrien frowned. “I don’t believe that. I think...I think he’s just scared. Of losing me, that is. Like we lost mom. So he keeps me restricted.” 

“But he’s always treated you like this, even before you lost your mom.” 

Adrien had no argument to that, and just slowly lowered himself into Plagg’s hands. 

“Just think about it. I’ll do all the talking, you just listen and see.” 

“Okay.” 

Plagg tucked him back into the pocket, before approaching the gate and ringing the doorbell. 

The camera didn’t even come out, the gate just opened. 

It felt like walking into a hell mouth. 

Inside, Gabriel stood at the bottom of the stairs, with his arms crossed. Next to him, Nathalie stood with her own arms crossed. And next to her stood Lila, with her arms also crossed. 

Plagg couldn’t help but snicker. They looked like three Russian puzzle dolls. Would Lila pop open and show another smaller, angrier creature? 

“What’s so funny?” Demanded Gabriel. “Where have you been?” 

“Chill man, I was out with my friends.” 

“And spending my money?” 

“You literally let me spend whatever money I want. I just usually never have anything I want to buy. I treat my friends to a nice lunch and it’s the end of the world?”

Gabriel sniffed, “you obviously can’t see that your so-called ‘friends’ are only hanging around you because of our wealth. I disprove of the company you keep, especially Mr. Lahiffe—“ 

“Why?” 

“You don’t get to question my authority.” 

“I’m just honestly curious as to why you don’t like them. I don’t buy stuff for my friends, despite what you think. Nino is a really good friend and a nice person. He doesn’t get in trouble, and his grades are pretty good. So what’s up?” 

“I simply don’t care for his plebeian attitude.” 

Plagg scoffed. “Plebeian?! Excuse me, what century is this again? Are we nobles or something I didn’t know about?” He pitched his voice high to have a ‘proper’ voice. “Oh yes Martha, we shan’t have our child run around with the rift raft in the fields. He must get a proper education so he may marry his cousin, have a child with three eyes, and die at the ripe old age at 26!” 

“Adrien!” Gabriel yelled. “How dare you mock me!” 

“Then stop talking like a 17th century noble! We have money, but high society never did anyone favors! You just sound like an old idiot! An old, out of touch, insensitive idiot!” Then he pointed at Lila. “And if you want to talk about people taking advantage of us, why don’t you turn yourself 90 degrees that-a-way to grill this blood sucking parasite.” 

“On the contrary,” Gabriel interrupted. “Miss Rossi only has your best interests at heart, which is why she came here and told me all about your little charade you put on during school today. You assaulted your bodyguard!” 

“He’s fine.” 

“Whether or not he’s fine is beside the point, Adrien. I hired him to protect you, and you attack him?” 

“He wasn’t protecting me. He was trying to kidnap me! I wanted to be at school!” 

“Well naughty children don’t get to do what they want to do!” 

“Do you want me to be happy or stupid?!” 

“No! Wait—“ 

“Ah ha!” Plagg pointed. “You just want me to be miserable!”

Gabriel flared his nostrils. “Stop trying to twist my words. The fact remains that you have been completely out of control these last few days, and I have no choice but to discipline you accordingly. From now on, you will have no contact with these teenagers that are encouraging you to behave like this monster. Instead, you will only be allowed to interact with Miss Rossi at photo shoots.” 

Plagg saw the corner of the man’s mouth curve up.  _ Check mate _ , the gesture said. 

Time to take it up a notch. 

“I’m not sure the best way to handle this situation, so I’ll handle it the way Chloe would.” He laid down on the floor and began to kick and scream. “DADDY! DADDY I HATE HER! FIRE HER AT ONCE!!” 

“If you don’t stop this tantrum this instant, you’re being pulled out of school.” 

“Ha!” He laughed, still from the floor. “I’ll just reenroll! I broke one window getting out the first time, there’s not a lock in this earth that can hold me, old man.” 

“Adrien, go to your room.” 

“Make me.” 

“You’re angering me, and you won’t like me when I’m angry.” 

“I don’t like you now.” 

“This attitude of yours is disrespectful, disgusting, immature, and embarrassing. I raised you better than—“ 

“Are you done?” Plagg asked, scratching his ear. “Because you just keep talking. That’s all you do. This gaslighting is getting really old. I know I’m acting immature, that’s the whole thing. Pointing it out just makes you look stupid. Are you going to hit me or something?” 

“I’m not going to hit you, Adrien.” 

“Huh. Didn’t know you had it in you.” 

Gabriel frowned. “You really think I would hit you?” 

“You’ve already hit emotional and verbal abuse, I assumed that was the next step.” 

“I am not abusive! I am strict, but I only have your best interests at heart.” 

“Right, like making me schmooze with Miss Sausage Hair here?” 

“Hey!” Lila cried. 

“Oh shut up, you’re plenty at fault here too.” 

“That’s it. Adrien, you’re grounded. No phone, no computer, no tv, no video games, and no school.” 

“So you want me to just sit in my room and stare out the window? Or are you going to board those up too?” 

“There’s plenty of books for you to read. Books that will hopefully change your mind about this rebellious streak.” 

“Until when?” 

“Until I say so!” 

“Cool. I quit modeling.” 

“WHAT!?” 

“You heard me. I quit modeling. Or you can fire Lila and unground me. Your choice, Gabe.”

Gabriel ground his teeth as Lila just stood there in shock. 

“I’ll give you some time to think about it.” Plagg cracked his neck. “I’ve got homework to do.” 

“But—“ 

“Ah ah ah,” Plagg held up a hand. “Talk to the hand, cause the face ain’t listening.” He skipped up the stairs, and out of the lobby. 

Gabriel simmered in rage, feeling the control which had been so firmly in his hands slip away. 

“Mr. Agreste—“ Lila began. 

“No.” He interrupted. “I need some time to think. Keep your eye on Adrien and let me know exactly what he’s up to, who he’s with, what he’s doing. You do this, and I will reward you greatly.” 

“Of course, Mr. Agreste.” 

—

As soon as Plagg closed the bedroom door, Adrien spiraled out of his pocket. 

“Hey kid, I know that was rough...” 

“Rough?! No kidding! You’re a monster! How could you talk to my father like that!? How could you insinuate that he would hit me? And you got me grounded and pulled from school! You quit modeling!” 

“Honestly Adrien, I thought he might hit me. His anger reflects violence. You see it too.” 

Adrien rubbed his paws over his cheeks, trying to stop the tears. 

“Come on kid, it’s for the best.” And he reached out for him. 

But Adrien darted away. “I’m going to see Tikki! I need comfort from someone that’s not trying to ruin my life!” 

Before Plagg could protest, Adrien had flitted out the window and into the streets. 

The sun was setting, and traffic was dwindling, as working folks made their way home. 

Finding Marinette’s house was a matter of finding the school, and then going from there, while sticking to the shadows and staying high enough away from straying eyes. 

When he reached her balcony, he loitered at the window, trying to figure out how to phase in. Then he wondered if he should even bother. Tikki might scold him for leaving Plagg. Or maybe she’d laugh at him for being upset. She was millennia old too. His problems probably would sound trivial to her as well.

Eventually, he just knocked. 

Marinette answered, a grave look on her face. “Plagg? What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Is Chat okay?” 

“He’s fine.” Adrien sniffed. “Can I talk to Tikki please?” 

Shocked by his politeness and shy demeanor, she blinked twice and answered, “Uh, sure.” 

Tikki appeared then, looking at him with concerned eyes. 

“I’ll just leave you two alone then,” Marinette stated, closing the window. 

“Adrien? What’s wrong?” 

It all came out of him then. “He’s a monster!” Adrien blubbered. “He’s ruining everything and making it all worse! I don’t know how to stop him! But my father is done with me and is going to pull me out of school! Plagg keeps acting like it’s no big deal, but he doesn’t understand! He’s just treating this like a big game!”

To his relief, Tikki hugged him tightly. “Oh Adrien. Plagg means well, I promise. His methods don’t make much sense, but they do produce results. It’ll be alright.” 

Adrien just sniffed, taking comfort from the hug. “I feel so helpless. I can’t do anything without outing myself as Chat Noir, and that’s the last thing I need...unless Plagg beats me to it. I know everyone is suspicious of him. This is a nightmare.” 

“I’ll talk to him when I get a chance,” promised Tikki. “He does mean well, I promise. But this is your life, and making you watch him work is torture.” 

“Exactly! Tikki you understand! If he does pull this off, I will thank him, but like...what if it doesn’t work? He acts like humans are so predictable and easy to manipulate, but even with all his life and experiences, he can’t account for everything. I’m worried he’s being too cocky.” 

Tikki petted his head. “Plagg can get over his head sometimes. He’s lazy and stubborn, but that just makes him ridiculously creative. Some of his attempts may fail, but I really think you just have to trust that he’s in control.” 

“I know, I know, and in my head, I know he’s doing this for me. I know he doesn’t want to be in my body, and I know he’s crazy smart…but I feel…betrayed? Scared? I don’t know what I’m feeling.” 

“Unstable.” Tikki provided. “Because you have no control over your life.” 

He frowned, holding onto his tail. 

“But, from what Plagg has told me, you didn’t have much control of it before either.” 

He rubbed a paw against his cheek. “Sadly, no. I didn’t.” 

The trap door opened again, and Marinette peeked her head out. She placed a plate with a cheese danish on it on the ground nearby. “Anything I can do?” 

Tikki answered for him, only slightly lying, “sometimes Plagg gets emotional when he thinks about past holders that we lost tragically. He said Chat was busy and he didn’t want to bother him.” 

“Oh Plagg, I’m so sorry.” 

Adrien rubbed his eyes with his paws again. He may not be in his body, but he did feel a little embarrassed to be crying in front of his crush. 

“Say Marinette, now that you’re the guardian, it would be really helpful if you could comfort him.” 

“Me? I...I guess. What do I do?”

“Just do what feels right.” 

Adrien floated a little closer to her, desperate for her affection, but hesitant to take it for himself. 

She cupped him in her hands, cradling him, holding him, cocooning him with her skin. She brought him up to her face, leaving a lingering kiss right between his ears, then caressed him to her cheek, her fingers encircling him in a hug. 

A stray finger itched the back of his head, sending tingles all the way down to his tail and making him purr. 

This was heavenly. Her scent surrounded him, dulling his senses and calming his tears. 

“It’s okay.” She said softly. “It’s alright to be sad. Things will get better.” 

Her words soothed the day's pain, and he really did feel more optimistic. He could do anything with Ladybug’s support. 

Finally, he pressed a little kiss to her cheek and allowed her to pull away. “Thank you Marinette. I do feel a lot better now.” 

Her smile was so warm and so wonderful, he could stare at her all day. 

But an Akuma alert had to go and ruin the whole thing. 

“You better get back to Chat! If you need more comfort, come back tonight after patrol!” 

“Thanks Marinette! Save that Danish for me!” And he rushed off back to the mansion. 


	5. In Which There is an Akuma

Plagg was laying on the bed when he returned. “Oh good, you’re back. I was kind of worried about you—“ 

“There’s an Akuma!” Adrien interrupted. 

Plagg’s eyes lit up. “An Akuma, you say? How interesting...” 

“Yeah yeah, just do the thing that sucks me in the ring!” 

“I’ll warn you ahead of time, when I’m in your body like this, the suit becomes factory default. Oh, and you’ll be able to see and hear everything I do.” 

“Great. This whole ‘Invasion of the Bodysnatchers’ episode is getting better and better.” 

“Adrien, Claws out!” 

That was an odd sensation. Now Adrien knew what Taffy felt like. He felt his whole body grow long and thin, before spiraling smaller and smaller. There was every color in the rainbow, flashing in a nauseous wave, and then, he was looking through his eyes again. 

“Ha!” Said Plagg with a little satisfaction. “Feels good to be on the other side.” He walked over to the mirror, where Adrien could finally see what ‘factory default’ meant. 

He looked like a ninja. Not like a Naruto ninja, but like a real Sengoku period, 15th century ninja. An all black, cloth ensemble, with foot wraps and a thick belt. Instead of claws on his fingertips, there were long blades attached to the back of his hand, almost like wolverine. Instead of a mask around his eyes, he wore one over the lower half of his face, and only left his eyes exposed. But his eyes looked different enough. The sclera was a toxic green instead of white, and his pupils were slit. Thick black eyeliner traced the eyes and framed them, making the color pop. His hair was a complete disaster and stood up in every direction. 

Finally, the ears. They were real, genuine cat ears. Complete with fur. 

“Not too shabby, if I say so. Though, the first guys that wore this had black hair, which made the ears less jarring. But I can’t complain. We mustn’t leave our lady waiting!” 

Plagg threw open the window and leapt into the city. 

He rushed over the rooftops, doing impossible feats of parkour and agility. It actually made Adrien dizzy. 

“Oh, one other thing I forgot to mention,” Plagg said aloud. “You know how when you’re in the suit, you can be body slammed into a building and be okay afterwards?” 

_ Yeah? _

“Well... _ you’re _ going to feel all that pain instead. That’s why I’m always so wiped after a fight.” 

What?!

Plagg glanced at his baton, the screen looking more like parchment than the usual LED screen, and found where Ladybug was. 

A hop skip and a jump, he landed next to her. “What are we up against?” 

She didn’t look at him, eyes glued to the akuma. “Stretchy guy. Like Mr. Fantastic. Can’t figure out what ticked him off, but he’s able to reach anything and even shape shift. Might be difficult to fight.” Then she finally looked at him and her eyes bulged. “Chat? What’s with your suit?” 

“Plagg’s having a hard time right now, so I’m factory default.” 

“O...Kay...are you going to be okay fighting like that?” 

“It feels fine, my Lady. Nothing to worry about. In fact, do you mind if I take the lead on this one? Give you a little break?” 

She chuckled. “You know I could always use a break.” 

“Great! We need to lead him over to the construction site over at Notre Dame, where all the scaffolding are.” 

She smiled at him. “I think I know what you’re planning, Kitty. Lead the way.” 

He dropped the bottom part of his mask, and wolf whistled quickly, before Ladybug could place his face. “Hey stretch!” He shouted. “You up for a little race?” 

“Ladybug and Chat Noir! You’ll give me your Miraculous as soon as I reach you!” 

“Good luck with that!” And he vaulted backwards on to the street and darted towards Notre Dame. 

Plagg was fast. Faster than Chat Noir normally was, and Ladybug was surprised at how hard it was to keep up with him. 

“H-Hey Chat! Don’t leave me behind!” 

He only stopped a second to scoop her up into his arms before running off again. Her added weight didn’t even slow him down. 

“Sorry, Bug. The Akuma has long legs, so he’s faster than usual. I can’t slow down, so hang on!” 

She did, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. 

Adrien was going to kill Plagg if he didn’t die from ecstasy first. He could feel Ladybug pressed tightly against him, and he loved every bouncing second of it. 

Soon they reached the construction site, with the Akuma hot on their tail. 

“Split up,” Plagg commanded and Ladybug gave a firm nod, following right along with him. 

While Adrien was basically on autopilot, he noted that this fight felt a lot like being on the jungle gym when he was a kid. He swung on the bars, twisting up levels onto the scaffolding, the akuma chasing after with each turn. 

Except, the akuma was long, and he was starting to get tangled in all the bars. 

“Oh no!” Ladybug feigned a cry. “I’m stuck! He might be able to get my Miraculous!” 

“You’re mine!” Called the akuma, twisting around a pole and darting for her. As he was about to snag her, she dropped and spun on her bent knees away. 

“Whoops, not so stuck after all!”

“I’m going to—“ The akuma reached out their arm, stretching and stretching to grab at her ears. But he never reached her. He was out of length, and hopelessly tangled in the mass of wood and metal. “No! No!” He wriggled, trying to untie himself, but Plagg had already found the akumatized item in the akuma’s back pocket. A roll of measuring tape. 

“Akuma, coming in hot!” He called, as he smashed the tape. 

The black butterfly emerged, and Ladybug caught it and purified it easily. “Bye bye little butterfly!” 

One cure later, the relative damage done to the scaffoldings was repaired, and the akuma victim, a short man, was returned to ground level. 

“Wow! We didn’t even have to use our powers today! Great work, kitty!” She praised as he raised her fist.

He bumped her back with a grin. “Thank you, Bug. Hope you didn’t mind me taking charge. I just figured with you being the guardian and all, having some shared responsibility would really help you out.” 

She exhaled with a breath, her shoulders relaxing. “Ugh, you have no idea. When that akuma alert went off, I was already dreading it. It’s been a long day.” 

Plagg frowned. “A long day?” Even after their shopping spree and awesome lunch? “Do you need to talk about it?”

She ground her toes on the roof of the church. “Are you busy? Plagg said you were doing something…” 

“Oh, I was napping. I have all the time in the world for you, Ladybug.” 

“Want to get some ice cream, then?”

“Only if you let me pay.” 

She dramatically put a hand to her forehead, “oh, if you must!” 

Plagg chuckled with her, and then took off running.

“Hey! I never said it was a race!” She called back. 

“You never said it  _ wasn’t _ either!” He shouted back.

When she finally located Andre’s ice cream cart, he was already sitting and waiting with her order. “Your ice cream, my lady?”

“You’re so fast! Have you just been holding out on me all this time?!” She huffed, taking the cone from him. 

He shrugged. “Oh, I have a couple of tricks up my sleeves.” 

They enjoyed their ice cream in comfortable silence for a while, before Ladybug asked, “hey, you’re a boy, right?”

“Last I checked.” 

She shook her head at her dumb question. “Right. Um…I have a friend. Guy friend.” 

Plagg crossed his legs. “OoooOOoooo is it  _ him? _ ”

Ladybug blushed. “Yes.” 

“Tell me everything.”

Inside his head, Adrien started to panic. This could only end badly for them!

“Well today…he was acting really weird. Usually, he’s really nice and reserved and polite…I know he can be silly and rambunctious, but…today, he was larger than life. He took us out for an expensive lunch, and then shopping for clothes that would make his dad angry. I think it’s a rebellious streak, but my gal friend said his money has gone to his head…” She scuffed her foot on the floor. “I’m just worried. I don’t want him to change…but I don’t want him to fake being someone he’s not just to make others happy. I guess I’m just confused. What do you think?” 

Plagg finished his cone in one gulp, hiding his face right after. “I think it’s just puberty.” 

She did not think that was amusing. “Yeah right.” 

“Has handsome rich boy ever shown signs of materialistic superiority?”

“No, he wears the same clothes all the time, and never flaunts the things he owns—“ 

“Then I think your gal pal is off base. It probably is rebellion. Just…be a safe place for him, and I’m sure it’ll end up okay.” 

“A safe place? What do you mean?” 

“I’m not sure what this dude is rebelling for. You’d probably know. Is his family…strict?”

“Very.” 

“And controlling?”

“Extremely.” 

“Okay, so if I was in his shoes, I’d want a friend that was trustworthy for me to confide in. Rebelling is liberating and exciting, but also extremely scary, because it’s risky. He needs to have someone to have his back in case things go south.” He massaged her shoulder. “And it would be best if that friend was soft and smelled nice.”

Ladybug smacked his shoulder. “When did you get so wise?”

“I hide a lot of wisdom under my ‘dumbass’ veneer.”

Ladybug cackled loudly, making Plagg smile and Adrien swoon. 

“You can be a dumbass sometimes,” Ladybug admitted. “But you’re my dumbass.” 

“Aww, thanks bug!” He grinned. “So, handsome rich boy is all that’s on your mind? I know identity clues have to be avoided and all, but I like knowing stuff that’s going on in your life. And I think I can manage another golden nugget of advice as well, if needed.” 

Ladybug frowned, obviously something else cropping up in her mind. “Actually…there’s something I haven’t told you that I probably should have.” 

“I’m all ears. I literally have four of them.” He twitched his cat ears.

She reached up and rubbed them, an affectionate look on her face as she felt the fur under her fingertips. “Not too long ago, I was expelled from school.” 

“Ladybug is a bad student in her civilian life?” He joked.

“No! I’m not!” She damn-near cried. “Sorry, I just…ugh. I was framed. There’s this girl in my class that…she lies with every breath. I know she has a crush on my crush, but she’s lying and manipulating to get her way to him. She works with him now too.” 

Plagg knew there was certainly more to the story than that, but he had to play dumb as Chat Noir. “Lying is bad and all, but it’s not really your problem, is it? She’ll get caught in her web eventually.”

“Argh, that’s what Ad—my boy said too. Take the high road. And it made sense, for what he knew about her at the time…but what he didn’t know was that she threatened me. Threatened to take all my friends and him away, just because I told her to stop lying.”

This was a shock to both kwami and holder. “She  _ threatened _ you?” 

“Yeah. And she went through with it. She got me expelled. Apparently, according to my boy, he sort of convinced her to double lie to get me un-expelled. She’s been quiet ever since, which has been a few weeks, but…she keeps staring at me. It’s unnerving.” 

“I suppose it would be, with her track record.” 

“I didn’t want you to find out about this, but I have to tell you. She’s almost gotten me akumatized, twice.” 

Plagg slapped a hand over his mouth with a gasp. 

Lila was a nuisance for Adrien, but she was a problem for Marinette. No, an i _ mminent threat _ . This changed his attack strategy…though it started to look like Adrien’s three problems were weaved together. The whole situation was a little more delicate than he had considered at first. 

“I’ve beaten both akumas off, but I worry about the future. I’m trying to come up with a contingency plan, but for right now it’s just ‘don’t get upset’.” 

“I’ll try to come up with a plan too. Maybe next time, you could hand your earrings off to Tikki for a little while, if things start to get dicey. She can bring them to me, since she knows who I am.” 

Ladybug gnawed at her lip. “Tikki’s been my greatest ally in fighting them off. If she’s not there…” 

Plagg rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “Bug, you’re the practical one here. What happens when you don’t give Tikki your earrings, and you don’t fight it off? When you’re so consumed with pain you don’t even see the Akuma coming? What then?” 

She shook her head. “You’re so right, I hate it.” She sighed. “That happened the last time too…I was only spared because Hawkmoth suddenly stopped his attack. That was the day I got expelled.”

“And I’ll follow the plan too. I haven’t gotten akumatized or anything, but it might only be a matter of time.” 

“Yeah…” It was awful to think about. Having to fight her partner was not something that Marinette wanted to do. But this loose plan was better than no plan. “Hey, it’s getting pretty late. I have a project I have to finish up.” 

“Oh, of course, go on home.” Plagg insisted. 

“Thanks for the Ice Cream, and for lending an ear. You’re the best, Kitty.” 

Plagg smiled at her, though she couldn’t see through his mask. His eyes crinkled in mirth. “I try.” 

“Tell Plagg I still have that cheese danish if he wants it. Night, Chat.” 

“Night, Bug.” 

And she swung off into the distance. 

Plagg took out his baton and made his own way home. He knew Adrien didn’t really want to be transformed any longer than he had to be. 

He landed inside the mansion, and called, “Claws in.” 

Adrien came flying out of the ring, and Plagg caught him carefully in his hands. “How you feeling, kiddo?”

“Like I got hit by a truck,” said Adrien, weakly. “You didn’t even use my power, why am I so tired?” 

“How much cheese did you eat today?”

“None.” Adrien scrunched up his nose. “Come to think of it, I didn’t eat  _ anything  _ today.” 

“That would certainly do it.” Plagg said, with a sigh. He took out a wheel of camembert and took out a wedge for Adrien, holding it in front of his face. 

Normally, Adrien couldn’t stand the smell. It was putrid and foul and moldy…but this…this was on a different level. Curse Plagg’s disgusting body! He sat up and helped himself to a nibble of cheese. A nibble turned into a bite, and a bite turned into a full inhale, almost taking off his fingers. 

“Better?” 

Adrien sighed as his energy started to return. “Remind never to complain about your eating habits.” 

Plagg grinned. “Oh it's a deal!” 

Adrien’s phone rang, and Plagg reached to answer. 

“Who is it?” Asked Adrien. 

“It’s Marineeeeeeetteeeee~!” Plagg sang, and connected the call, putting it on speaker for Adrien to hear. 

“Hey Pooh Bear.” 

“ _ H-hey uh, Tigger? No no that was dumb. Sorry, hi Adrien. _ ” 

Plagg and Adrien shared a look of fondness. She was just too cute sometimes. 

“Whats up?” Pried Plagg. 

“ _ Uh, not-not much! I just finished your second shirt! I can do more tomorrow, but for now… _ ” 

“I’ve got an outfit picked out for tomorrow, don’t worry. And you’ll love it.” 

“ _ Will I really? Or will it turn me into a pillar of salt? _ ”

“Have a little faith in me, Mari.”

“ _ I—of course. Did you just call me Mari? _ ”

“Yeah, I thought it was about time I gave you a nickname. Is that okay? Or are you okay with Pooh Bear?”

Marinette’s giggle was adorable, as it was filled with thinly veiled embarrassment.  _ “Call me whatever you like! I don’t mind! _ ” 

“Great! What’s my nickname?”

“I don’t know? Do you want one?”

“Only from you, Pooh Bear!” He sang. 

_ “Um…I’ll have to think about it. I think I’ve heard Lila and Chloe both call you ‘Adri’, so I’ll try to come up with something else.” _

“I appreciate that.” Plagg said, as Adrien smiled fondly at the phone. It sure was considerate of her to think about that.

_ “And Adrien?” _ Her tone conveyed so much. So much more than Adrien could understand. But it brought a warmth to his face. 

“Yes?”

_ “I’m here for you. You know that, right? Whatever you need. An ear, a h-h-hug. Whatever. I…I care about you.” _

Adrien wiped a paw under his eyes, fully prepared for tears to take him. 

“I care about you too,” Plagg said, not faking the genuine appreciation in his voice. “I appreciate everything you do for me.”

_ “I-…” _ She trailed off, and Adrien wondered if she was going to say something else. But instead, she just exhaled and said.  _ “It’s getting kind of late. I’ll see you tomorrow?” _

“Of course, Pooh Bear!” 

She laughed.  _ “Thanks Adrien, goodnight.”  _

“Goodnight.” And he ended the call. 

“She took your advice.” Adrien noted.

“She took Chat Noir’s advice. She trusts him after all.” 

Adrien sat on the desk, still feeling a storm brewing inside of him. He was still upset about Plagg’s behavior with his father…but he was starting to come around. Marinette never called him, and her conversations with him were never so easy. Was this actually working?

“Adrien,” Plagg started, scratching between his ears. “I’m sorry for hurting you. If there was a way to humble your father without hurting you in the process, I’d do it…but right now…”

“I understand, Plagg.” Adrien said with a hopeful smile. “It sucks but…that Chloe-tantrum you threw was really funny.”

Plagg beamed at him. 

“And,” Adrien added. “After hearing the whole truth about Lila, I’m fully on board with whatever you want to do to her.”

“Fully?”

“Absolutely. This bitch needs to go.”

The mansion was nearly silent in the night, so Plagg’s evil cackle echoed and echoed, sending goosebumps down the neighbor’s spines.


	6. In Which Plagg is Annoying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my beloved Fiancé really likes Magic: The Gathering. He’s taught me how to play it, and talks about it a lot, but I still don’t really understand it. It’s a complicated game. So this chapter has sections of me purposefully badly explaining the game, sorry if that bothers you lol. 

Adrien awoke curled in a ball. His bed was extremely soft, and he sunk right into it. 

Oh, except it was a pillow. He was still in Plagg’s tiny Kwami body. Great. 

He yawned and stretched, realizing that he was alone in his bed. 

“Plagg?” He asked the room. 

There was no answer, but the bathroom door was closed. 

Plagg was most likely getting him ready, or his human body, ready for school. 

Before Adrien could imagine the worst case scenario, the bathroom door opened, and Plagg emerged. 

Adrien stared, and then declared loudly, “NO.” 

“Yes!” Said Plagg, flouncing into Adrien’s closet. 

“How—why? When?!” 

Plagg brought his pre-chosen outfit into the main room, and started to get dressed, carefully slipping the purple tiger striped shirt over his expertly gelled Mohawk. 

“Did you not see me buy that ultra super strong hair gel yesterday?” 

“I didn’t see anything you bought yesterday,” said Adrien with frustration. “I was in your pocket the whole time, remember?” 

“Oh, then you’re in for a treat!” He slipped on an over shirt, that was black with orange leopard spots. 

“Oh god...”

“You should have been more careful about what you brought home from shoots,” Plagg sang. “Love the leopard spots. Though I’m just a black cat, mixing up my coat on occasion would be fun.” 

“I kept that shirt because I thought it was funny, or it would be good for a costume. You can’t honestly wear it!” 

Plagg blew him a raspberry. “Oh suck it up buttercup! It’ll be fine!” 

Adrien watched with other things on his mind as Plagg finished dressing. Brown pants, rolled up with mismatched argyle socks, and then the same green sunglasses to cover his cat eyes.

“I think I have a photo shoot with Lila after school,” said Adrien. 

“And?” 

“And you should probably attend it. I know you want to piss off my dad and blow off responsibilities that aren’t Miraculous related, but modeling is my _job_. I’m still under a contract and I get paid for it. That money goes to my college fund, which I intend to use to pick my own career.” 

“What’s one missed shift to the son of the company?”

“A strike against me, and a loss of around a thousand euros.” 

Plagg swiveled his head to look at him. “That much? Is Lila making that too?” 

“No.” Adrien chuckled. “I am in high demand and so I make more. She makes around 15 euros an hour. That’s why she always drags photoshoots on for so long. Me and some of the other models get paid per gig.” 

Plagg scoffed. “That’s stupid.” 

“So will you behave for three hours?” 

“No,” said Plagg, smoothing his shirt and hair. “But I’ll participate in the shoot and play nice with the photographer. Lila, on the other hand, I have plans for.” 

Adrien looked at him warily. “...alright.” 

Doing a once-over, Plagg declared, “just one more accessory, the piece de resistance...” he reached into a plastic bag from his shopping yesterday. 

Adrien gaped in horror. “NO. NO NO NO!” 

—

Gabriel walked from the kitchen back to his office, coffee mug in hand. Dealing with Adrien’s rebellion had been a PR nightmare, but he was able to spin Adrien’s outfit yesterday, as out of character as it was, as merely a phase. A phase which he would grow out of soon, but one that was necessary for Adrien to grow, to explore his own style, to learn fashion in his own mind. The media ate it up, and several articles would be coming out in the next week or so. 

Then the boy in question streaked by him in a kaleidoscope of color. 

Gabriel sputtered on his coffee, staining his suit with the brown liquid, but not caring a bit.

“Adrien?!” He shouted, beyond horrified. He couldn’t tell what was worse, the patterns? The colors? The hair? NO. 

“Where did you get crocs?” Gabriel asked, as Adrien reached the unfortunately unlocked door. 

He turned for just a second, long enough to shout. “Ask my butt, old man!” Before the door shut behind him. 

Gabriel had to call those magazines back. 

—

Plagg arrived at school, drawing the attention of every student mingling there. Some stared in horror, while others held in laughter. 

A student passed Plagg and raised a fist. “Nice duds, dude! Stick it to the man!” 

Plagg responded with a gleeful grin and matching fist bump. 

“Oh my god,” said Nino, as he arrived. “You look amazing.”

“My dad spilled coffee on himself this morning, and the look on his face was totally worth it.”

“God, I wish I could have been there.” Nino sighed. 

“It was pretty amazing, not going to lie.” 

“Oh, while we have a second...I was hoping to have a sleepover this weekend. Marinette and Alya would come over for the evening, and then leave in time for dude’s night. You in?” 

“Just you and me?” 

“Yeah, if that’s cool.” 

“Absolutely! After school tomorrow?” 

“Yeah! Marinette said your schedule was open.” 

“Marinette knew that? I didn’t even know that.” 

“I think she keeps track of that stuff for class activities.” He cleared his throat, not looking at him. “And for no other reason besides that.” 

Plagg chuckled to himself. God, Nino was the worst liar. “I understand. Someone’s got to know my schedule if I don’t.” 

“Marinette is the best, after all.” Nino puffed up his chest, doing his damndest to be a good wingman. 

Plagg didn’t think he needed to try so hard, but props. “She is the best, isn’t she?” 

Nino smiled widely, like he had a secret joke that wouldn’t make sense to anyone. 

A pair of arms wound around his own, squeezing tightly like a boa constrictor. “Good morning Adrien!” Lila chirped. 

“Morning,” Plagg returned, playing casual in front of Nino. 

“I need to talk to you about the photoshoot after school.” She turned to Nino. “Can I borrow your buddy for a minute?” 

“You can have him for five minutes.” Nino winked. 

Lila giggled, sounding pretty realistic to an untrained ear. “Thanks Nino!” Without waiting for Plagg’s permission, she dragged him away to a sequestered corner of the courtyard. 

Before Plagg could even ask what was in her mind, she turned and faced him, expression full of vitriol and rage. It was not a face he’d seen on many mortals. 

“Don’t think I can’t see what you’re trying to do, Adrien.” Her voice was cold, sharp, and harsh. 

Adrien shivered in Plagg’s pocket. 

“And that would be...?”

“Trying to weasel your way out of our little agreement.” 

Plagg blinked, remembering the arrangement they had prepared a while ago. It’s what had gotten Marinette un-expelled. Just schmooze with the brat and she’d leave Marinette alone. But it was very apparent she was ready to take any violation of this agreement as an invitation to jump right back into her conniving ways. 

Plagg would hold out for now, play the long game. He had a plan, and if that failed for some unexplainable reason, then he had another one lined up. It was just a matter of finding out what bait Lila would take. 

He feigned a gasp, as well as she would, and laid a hand on his chest. “Oh Lila, whatever are you talking about? I’m just having a little disagreement with my dear old dad. It’s nothing against you! Honest!” 

She squinted at him. “You’re still on the schedule to model with me later today, so I’m assuming you didn’t actually quit modeling. If you had, this would have turned sour.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Modeling is our ‘fun friendship’ activity, and if you try to get out of it, I’m going to assume you don’t care about Marinette after all.” She shrugged. 

He laughed, a dark sinister laugh that didn’t belong on his handsome, sweet, cherubic face. “You mortals are just so cute when you think you can win against me.”

The look on Lila’s face was perfect. Part confused, part terrified. “What?” 

He spoke with a voice older than time, conjuring magics from the ancient unknowns. “Dos valok th’um krosis!” 

“Did...did you just cast a spell on me?” 

“I don’t know, you tell me. How do your lips feel?” 

She pursed her lips. “I don’t know, a little—“ 

“CHAPPED?” Provided Plagg, with a shit-eating grin. 

“Oh my god.” 

“Do not test me, Lila Rossi. You won’t win.” He gave her a pleasant little smile. 

She stared in bewilderment, before chuckling right back. “Boy, you had me for a second.” She pulled out a tube of chapstick and applied some. “Are you trying to psych me out? Cause it’s not going to work.” 

“Well darn,” said Plagg with a little snap of his fingers. “Thought my necromancy could spook you off. Well, if that didn’t do it, I guess you really do want to be my friend, no matter how quirky I can be.” He gave a happy little sigh. 

Lila was immediately suspicious. “Sure, I want to be your friend...?” It wasn’t supposed to be a question, but Lila wasn’t convinced. 

Unless Adrien really was that naïve. 

“Great!” Plagg clapped. “I have to go talk to Marinette, but we’ll hang out at the shoot! It’s going to be so much fun!” And he hurried off. 

Lila narrowed her eyes back in his direction. There was definitely fishy about that exchange. She couldn’t very well text Gabriel and say, “there’s something suspicious about your son. He actually wants to be my friend. Also he chapped my lips.” That would be too confusing and send all the wrong messages. 

So she resigned to wait until the photoshoot after all. Since, of course, he couldn’t keep up this act for several hours in a row. She could, but she was a professional. 

Her musings came to a halt as she heard the wonderful noise of Marinette’s scream. “MY EYES!!” 

Lila hurried from her nook to find out what had happened. Had someone sprayed her with mace? Pocket sand? 

No. Adrien was merely striking poses in front of her, and she had recoiled in horror. 

“Adrien!” She stated, aghast. “How could you?!” 

He posed again, butt in her direction. “You like?” 

“It’s foul. Are those crocs?!”

“Yep! I contemplated on getting the little ladybug plugs for the holes, but I didn’t really think it was worth it. After all, how often do you look at a man’s feet?” 

“In that outfit, it’s going to be too hard to tell what part is the worst.” Her eyes bounced over the competing patterns and made her dizzy. “Well here,” she handed over a hanger covered with a trash bag. “Your sin against fashion has been committed. I’m willing to do more, but don’t attach my name to it.” 

Adrien just laughed. “Don’t worry, Pooh Bear, your secret is safe with me.” 

Lila’s lips curled in disgust at the nickname. Obviously, she would tell Gabriel that Marinette was enabling his behavior. Maybe she could spin it as her influence all together. Yes, yes, that would work. Two stones and all that. 

—

After school, Lila rode with Adrien to the photoshoot. 

Boy, if she wanted a taste of what the day would be like, she certainly got it. And she should have taken the chance to run. 

“So Nino and I started playing this game with the guys in class,” Adrien had begun, without so much as a greeting. “Have you heard of Magic: The Gathering?” 

“...no?”

“Oh okay, so I’ll tell you all about it.” 

As a master manipulator, Lila understood the masterful art of conversation. There were several strategies she had developed over the years. Her favorite was ‘talk passionately and allow for natural lulls in explanation so they can ask questions’. It made people feel engaged and kept them coming back for more, while she was perceived as interesting and smart, but also humble.

However, it seemed that Adrien was utilizing the beginners mistake of ‘poorly explain a subject you’re not really passionate about without letting the other person talk’. Like an underpaid substitute teacher filling in for a class they don’t know much about.

“So like, there are these cards with different landscapes on them, and they’re all different based on color, right? So there’s water or islands for blue and mountains and stuff for red, right? And each one is worth mana. And you have to use mana to play a card. Except for lands, I think. You can play those whenever, except you have to draw them, you can’t just go searching through your deck. Unless a card tells you you can.” 

Finally, they arrived at the shoot, and Lila nearly fell out of the car in her haste to get away for some peace and quiet, just for a second. 

Who knew that boy could talk so much? 

—

Plagg and his mohawk were led to the makeup trailer. Thankfully for the hairstylist, it came with a salon sink, so Adrien didn’t have to go home and shower. 

“Sorry, Mr. Agreste,” the stylist said as she draped a cape on him. “We have to flatten the mohawk.” 

“That’s alright,” Plagg assured with a polite smile. “It served its purpose.”

“It was very well done, honestly,” she said with a laugh. “For not having the sides of your head shaved, that is.” 

“I had to work with what I had.” 

The stylist just hummed in understanding, as she started to rinse his hair, the gel melting and washing down the drain. 

The stylist sighed, and gave a little huff to herself. 

Plagg normally wouldn’t care, but if his meddling had inconvenienced someone else’s job, that would reflect poorly on Adrien. So, he asked. “Is everything alright?”

“Umm...” she paused, biting her lip. “Look, we’re friends right?” 

Plagg didn’t even know this person’s name. “Of course.” 

“Are you close to Miss Rossi? I know you guys are friends...” 

“I hate her guts.” Plagg declared with a broad smile. 

“Oh good!” She relaxed. “I really really hate working on her. And so does everyone else, and last time she was here, she was just—Ugh, the worst. I got so frustrated because Giuseppe and your father like her, so even if I complained, nothing would happen. Likely, I’m the one that would get in trouble. You remember Alexander, right? The lighting assistant?” 

No. Not one bit. “Yeah?” 

“Well, she yelled at him one time during a shoot, in the back. Apparently, she wanted coffee and he wouldn’t get it for her, even though that’s soooo not his job. So she complained to Giuseppe and got him fired! Honestly, I don’t know how he didn’t get akumatized over that.” 

“I don’t either!” Plagg said, with surprise. “I knew she was a pain, but yikes...” 

“I think you’re a really cool kid, Adrien. But she’s going around and telling everyone you got her this job and—“ she sighed. “People are getting resentful.” 

Now Plagg was mad. It was immediately apparent that Lila had a ‘if I can’t have them, no one can’ attitude, turning the staff on Adrien if she couldn’t win them over with her outlandish lies. Adrien couldn’t afford having that many enemies. He was too soft. 

“Actually...” Plagg began to explain how Lila had wound up with her job, lying to Nathalie and Gorilla to get access to his house, lying to his father to get on his good side, and all the things she did to Marinette, who he took the bullet for to protect. “She means a lot to me,” Plagg said, in regards to Marinette. “So I didn’t mind having to pretend to be Lila’s friend if it meant she could come back to school and not be harassed anymore. It seems that Lila has a loose form of friendship.” 

The stylist wiped her eyes. “Oh Adrien, you’ve got such a heart of gold. I’ll set everything straight with the team. Don’t you worry!” 

“I actually have a plan, that you might let everyone in on. And I apologize in advance.” 

“Lay it on me.” 

—

By time Lila was called in to get ready, Plagg had been groomed into a normal looking boy with normal looking hair and clothes. Though normal protocol usually had Lila in hair and make-up alone with the stylists, Plagg sat in a chair nearby, separated from her by a curtain. 

“Adrien? Shouldn’t you be out there?”

“Oh it’s okay, I wanted to keep telling you about this game.”

“Oh, well, you shouldn’t keep Giuseppe…”

“He won’t mind. So, there’s a bunch of colors, right? Red, Black, Green, Blue, White, and…one more. I think there’s one more.” 

A sigh was heard from the other side of the curtain. 

“No, no I was right, there’s only five. But you can combine them. But not like, mix them? It’s like, Blue-Black, and Red-Black. And Green-Blue. And so different colors have different themes, right? And the themes are different based on the set. Oh yeah, there’s different sets and Wizards of the Coast release like, two or three sets a year. I think. Like they had this one that was all about Dinosaurs and pirates. But they usually aren’t that wacky. Unless it’s a joke set. Which that one wasn’t. I can’t remember the name of it right now, but it started with an ‘I’.” And he was off, explaining all he could remember of the game, from what Adrien had told him, to what he had heard while the boys played at school. If he could find a point to elaborate on, he did. 

Every once in a while, he’d make eye contact with a staff member, who would in turn grin and give a secret thumbs up. 

He started to run out of steam while Lila was in makeup. 

Thankfully, one of the technicians with a grudge noticed, and helped him out. “Would you ever play competitively?” 

Through the mirror, Plagg could see the lightbulb go off over Lila’s head. “You know, my grandfather was one of the chess masters of the world. He won lots of tournaments, and I’m sure he’d love to give you some pointers if you were interested, Adrien.” 

The technician answered for him. “Chess? We’re talking about Magic: The Gathering. Two totally different games. The tournaments are pretty fun too, but I really enjoy playing at pre-releases. They usually only allow you to play with the set you’re buying, so you can’t look at them beforehand…” 

Plagg beamed at the guy, thrilled with how quickly he had shut Lila down. 

Lila, however, was undeterred. She met the eyes of the female stylist and just shrugged. “Boys, right? So, this weekend—“ 

“Shh,” the stylist hushed. “I’ve been trying for weeks to learn this game.” 

Lila crossed her arms and sat silently for the rest of the session.

Once the models were all dolled up, they were escorted out to the set, and Giuseppe got to work with posing. 

Here’s where Lila tried to make up for lost attention. 

“Oh Giuseppe! I had such a wonderful idea for the shoot today! Since the gardens are in full bloom—“

“Which reminds me!” Plagg snapped his fingers. “Green-Black combination cards are really unique because they create a bunch of minions. Like, the cards in them have the ability to spam the battlefield with like a bunch of little guys called tokens that take a lot of extra work to get rid of. Well, like, not a ton of extra work, because they only have like one HP, but like, it's more work then you would have had to do. Wait, white, not black. Actually, I think white is the best at tokens, my mistake.” 

Despite her best efforts, Lila could not suppress a full body eye roll. 

It was exactly what Plagg was waiting for, and he jumped in for the finisher. He turned his sad kitten eyes to her, looking like Puss in Boots from Shrek, and asked, in the most pathetic voice he could muster. “Am I annoying you?” 

Lila stared at him, as the staff and Giuseppe looked right at her, to see her response. 

“I…I…” she stammered. “N-no, not at all, Adrien. I…love hearing about this game.” 

He beamed. “Good! Because I have to tell you about my favorite combination of Blue-black. It’s really high in conditions and making things difficult for the opponents, right?” 

Lila’s nostrils flared, but she held back any other sign of frustration. It was remarkable, really. 

Plagg was quiet while Giuseppe gave directions, and during the actual shooting, but in between takes, when he didn’t have to be ‘professional’ he filled in the silence with whatever jargon he could find. He was wearing her down. 

“Alright,” Giuseppe finally said. “We’re all done with you, Lila. Now it’s just Adrien’s solo shoot. But you can stay if you like.” 

Lila was already halfway to the trailers. “I’m so sorry Giuseppe, I have somewhere I have to be this evening, so I’m going to head out. I’ll see everyone next time!” And she practically sprinted off set. 

Once she left, Giuseppe gave a loud sigh of relief. “Now let’s get some real work done.” 

—

Later that evening, when Adrien and Plagg had returned to the mansion, Adrien sat on the desk as Plagg scrolled online. Homework had been completed with ease, and it was still too early for bed. 

“What are you reading?” Adrien asked. 

“I’m trying to slog my way through the lore of that video game you like, the one with the Dragons. I have to have more ammunition the next time I deal with Lila. I almost ran out today.” 

“Is that what I sound like?”

“What?”

“You today, when you were talking about Magic. Is that what I sound like to you? Do I ramble on?” 

Plagg screwed up his lips in thought. “Mmmm, sometimes.” 

Adrien hunched in on himself. 

“But look. Culture and creative medium has grown astronomically in the last 200 years since I’ve been asleep. I want to know about what’s out there. I like hearing about things that you enjoy. Even if it is annoying sometimes, I still care about you. The reason I pulled this strategy is because Lila likes to talk, and she doesn’t like to listen. Even if I was talking passionately about something I knew a lot about, I doubt she would have cared. I hear how often she interrupts class.” 

Adrien hadn’t thought about it like that. 

“You know who Pavlov is, right?”

“Uh, the guy that did the experiment with the dog, right? He rang a bell and gave his dog a treat, and eventually the dog came to associate the bell with treats.” 

“Precisely. Humans are the same way. Knowing this principle is the easiest way to win people over. You have to make them associate you with good feelings. If you treat people well, be friendly, courteous, and funny, eventually, people will like to be around you. The same works in reverse. If I can associate myself with frustration and annoyance for Lila, she won’t want to be around me. Being straight up mean to her won’t work because she’ll see that as a challenge.”

“So you have to be subtle,” Adrien concluded. “Thats…that’s genius.” 

“I know.” 

“So you don’t think I’m annoying?” 

Plagg rubbed him between the ears. “I only found you annoying when you would complain about Ladybug, your dad, or Lila. But now, in your shoes, I’ve realized how easy it is to get frustrated about these things. But hopefully soon enough, you won’t even have to worry about it.” 

Adrien smiled brightly. “Thanks Plagg. I hated this at first…but you really are making some progress.” 

“Told you. Now, help me pack. You have your first sleepover tomorrow night.” 

“My first sleepover, and I’m going to spend it crammed in a bag!”


	7. In Which Gabriel is Serenaded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really just want to say thanks. I love this fandom, and I love this story…just the overwhelming excitement for this fic makes me so so happy. Everything that happens is really just me saying ‘whatever, I want to see this’. Does it make sense? Not always. Is everyone completely in character? Maybe. Am I having a blast? Absolutely! 
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos! 
> 
> And sorry for the wait. Wedding planning! 

Day three, Adrien awoke on the pillow. He was used to it now, officially. How scary a thought! 

Plagg had laid out his outfit, thankfully so Adrien could approve, or at least warm up to the idea. 

It was one of the shirts that Marinette had Frankensteined together from the pieces they had found. Absolutely gaudy, atrocious, and a pain to look at. Stripes, polka dots, plaid, little patterns of flowers, all saturated as far top right of the Hue/Sat scale as possible. 

It would make his father cry. It would set the media into a frenzy. It was glorious, and that scared Adrien. 

It scared him that he was starting to come around. He was starting to enjoy this reckless abandon. It was cathartic to watch his world shift and change into something more chaotic, and yet somehow pleasant. Organized Chaos. 

Plagg came out of the bathroom, devoid of mohawks or any other bizarre hairstyle he could have done. His hair was just swept to the side, combed, but not gelled, into place. 

The perfect amount of wild. 

“You don’t have to wake up when I do.” Plagg stated. “I’ll just drop you in my pocket.” 

“It’s alright,” Adrien assured, yawning. “I’m used to waking up this early.”

Plagg dressed quickly, and just as he slid into his moccasins, the room glowed red, and heavy bars slammed shut over the windows. 

Both Adrien and Plagg jolted in surprise, Adrien falling into panic.

Plagg just scooped him up, and held him to his chest. “Hey kid, it’s alright. You can phase through things. You can escape if you need too.” 

This helped calm him down slightly, if ever so minutely. Plagg tucked him into his pocket, and confidently walked downstairs. 

Gabriel and Nathalie were waiting for him in the foyer. 

“What's the deal, old man?” Plagg asked, bluntly. “Akuma attack?”

“No,” replied Gabriel, his head held high. “You’re grounded. No school. No friends. Nothing.” 

Plagg scoffed. “I’m under literal house arrest?! Come on! I have a sleepover at Nino’s tonight!”

“Did you ask if you could attend this sleepover?” 

“No. You were going to say no anyways. Better to beg forgiveness then ask permission and all that.”

“Well, that really solidifies my decision to ground you then. You clearly show a clear lack of critical and mature thinking.” 

“Ah, a pompous way of calling me stupid, hmm?”

Gabriel frowned harder, a line forming at the corner of his mouth. “I am not calling you stupid. I just don’t see you making good decisions.” 

“Gabriel, before this, I wasn’t making any decisions. Everything I did was according to your will. How can you be mad at me at being bad at something I have no practice doing?” 

Gabriel’s eye twitched. “First, do not call me by my first name. Second, I have already made up my mind. If I say you’re grounded, then you’re grounded. Deal with it.” 

Oh that was not a good answer. He may have well just said, ‘because I say so.’ 

And Plagg would not stand for it. He wasn’t standing for it anyway, but he’d at least be willing to bargain with Gabriel if he was offering some excuse about safety for his well being or something.

This was just a power trip.

“Fine,” Plagg smiled maliciously. “Lock me in. But you’re locked in with me. And you’re going to hate it.” 

“I don’t have time to entertain you, Adrien, go to your room.” 

As a kwami who spent most days in Adrien’s bag, Plagg consumed a lot of media. A pair of headphones, an external battery, and a phone that connected to the school’s wifi, Plagg had days to binge all the things that Adrien was interested in. 

And some things that Adrien didn’t care about, like historical dramas, documentaries, and recently, musicals. Especially for time periods that he had witnessed and experienced. He wasn’t omnipotent, so seeing what the humans had thought was important during these periods was fascinating.

But I digress.

The point was that Plagg had a song stuck in his head from a musical and the perfect opportunity to use it had just presented itself.

Gabriel had deemed the conversation over and started to walk back to his office.

“ _Close every door to me_ ,” Plagg sang, in Adrien’s sweet voice.

Gabriel halted, but did not turn around.

“ _Hide all the world from me._ ” Plagg took a step towards him, still singing softly. “ _Bar all the windows and shut out the light_.”

Gabriel turned, raising an eyebrow. “If you think serenading me is going to make me change my—“ 

But Plagg cut him off, raising his voice slightly, “ _Do what you want with me, hate me and laugh at me._ ”

Gabriel just stared, and listened.

“ _Darken my daytime and torture my night…_ ” Plagg came closer, singing with feeling, trying to convey, even for an instance, a flicker of the emotions that Adrien had.

“ _If my life were important I would ask ‘will I live or die?’ but I know the answers lie far from this world._ ”

This was horrifying to Gabriel, apparently, as he protested. “Of course your life is important! Why do you think I—“

“ _Close every door to me, keep those I love from me. Children of Israel are never alone_.”

“Children of—what? We’re not even Jewish. What are you singing about?”

“ _For I know I shall find my own peace of mind. For I have been promised a land of my own._ ”

Confused, Gabriel just scoffed and started back to his office. Plagg stayed hot on his heels.

“ _Close every door to me, hide all the world from me._ ”

Even Gabriel saw the irony of slamming the office door in Adrien’s face, so he resisted, and let his son continue to serenade him into his office. 

“ _Bar all the windows and shut out the light._ ”

Gabriel stood at his workstation, determined to ignore his son’s weird emotional outburst, and opened his recent project. 

“ _Just give me a number instead of my name. Forget all about me and let me decay._ ”

Plagg fought the smile of victory when Gabriel hunched his shoulders. Was that guilt on his face? Perhaps Gabriel wasn’t as shallow as Plagg had thought and lyrics like this would get through to him. 

“ _I do not matter, I'm only one person. Destroy me completely, then throw me away.”_

And Gabriel sat, staring with his wide gray eyes. His full attention on his son. 

“ _If my life were important I would ask ‘will I live or die?’ But I know the answers lie far from this world.”_

Plagg pounded his fists on the workspace, crying out the words with passion, actually making Gabriel jump. 

“ _Close every door to me!_ _Keep those I love from me!_ ” He leapt up on a coffee table, putting his entire body, his very soul into this performance. “ _Children of Israel are never alone!_ ”

Gabriel couldn’t move. Why couldn’t he move?

“ _For we know we shall find our own peace of mind! For we have been promised a land of our own!_ ” He held out that final note, letting it hang in the air, as Gabriel continued to stare, mouth slightly open. 

Truth me told, Plagg was just intending to annoy him to freedom, but had the song choice done more? Did Gabriel finally understand? 

“Well,” Gabriel adjusted his glasses. “That was...certainly something. If I knew you could sing like that, I would have tried to find a use for it. Never mind, I’ll add it to your resume now.” 

No. It seemed that Gabriel was as stubborn and obtuse as ever. 

“ _Close every door to me_ ,” Plagg began again. 

“No no no,” Gabriel spoke over him. “One performance is more than enough.” 

“ _Hide all the world from me_.” 

“Adrien!” 

“ _Darken my daytime, and torture my night._ ” 

Gabriel groaned, and made an effort to ignore Plagg again. A real effort this time, with no eye contact and no facial expression. When that didn’t work, he moved from his workstation and went to grab Adrien. But Plagg evaded him, continuing to sing, with every grasp.

How many times did he cycle through the song? His throat hurt, as every time he reached the climax, he belted out the notes with passion. 

It would be surprising if no one outside could hear him. 

He climbed up on a table. “ _If my life were important I would ask will I live or die—_ “ 

“Enough! Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up!” Gabriel shouted. “I can’t take this anymore!” He bolted over to the security control panel, and shut off the lock down. The bars on the windows disappeared. 

“Go...please, just go.” Gabriel said desperately. 

“Cool, thanks dad!” Plagg said cheerfully, skipping out of the room. 

Gabriel collapsed onto his workstation. 

Whatever tricks Adrien had learned, whatever manipulation guru he had visited, he was good. Very very good. It would take a while to get him back under his thumb. And he might need to resort to more drastic measures. 

What was more drastic than putting the house into lockdown? He’d need a little while to contemplate that.

—

Plagg had missed several morning classes thanks to Gabriel’s stunt, but his friends heaved a relaxed sigh when he arrived. 

“Hey hey hey!” He sang, coming in the door. “What’s happening, party people?” 

“Mr. Agreste!” Miss Mendeleev barked. “You better have a good excuse for being tardy!” 

“A great excuse! My dad shut the house down to ground me, and I had to annoy him with Broadway until he opened up. He was a lot more patient than I expected.” 

“Are you serious?” Miss Mendeleev asked. 

“Madam, do you really think that my father, fashion mogul, would allow me to leave the house like this?” He gestured to his mismatched outfit.

“Point taken. You may take your seat.” 

Plagg shot a thumbs up to his friends. 

—

After school, the group of four piled into Nino’s family car and headed over to his house. 

“I’m so excited! My first sleepover!” The excitement was genuine, as this truly was Plagg’s first sleepover. Of course, his whole life had consisted in sleeping in different places that weren’t his home (the Miracle Box) but the concept of going to a friends house to eat food and gossip all night long was novel and exciting. 

“What curfew do you girls have?” Mrs. Lahiffe asked. 

“I have until 11,” beamed Alya. 

“I have to leave at 9,” Marinette pouted. “I have to help my parents in the bakery tomorrow.” 

It was also Ladybug’s solo patrol tonight, Plagg noted to himself. Kind of a saving grace, since Chat certainly wasn’t going to be on it. 

“I’ll be sure to count you both for dinner then!” Mrs. Lahiffe chirped. 

Adrien had been to Nino’s house a handful of times, all under the pretense of working on homework of course. And it wasn’t a house either, it was an apartment, like most residences in Paris. It was warm, not always clean, and the smell of their cat’s litter was just a hint in the air. 

Major Tom was a right good cat. An old gray tabby, who was far too wise for his own good. Plagg had met this family member in person, since the cat was still pretty curious in his age. 

As soon as the group of friends entered the apartment, Major Tom stretched and trotted toward them, toward Plagg, and rubbed against his leg. 

“Hi Tommy,” Plagg smiled, an inside joke passing between them. 

“I swear,” said Nino with defeat. “Major Tom likes you more than anyone else in this house...and you’ve barely met him.” 

Plagg just shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a pussy magnet.” 

“DUDE! My mom is right there!” 

Mrs. Lahiffe was not amused, but the furious giggling from behind him made it all worth it, he supposed.

“Sorry mom, Adrien’s going through a rebellious streak. He doesn’t usually make jokes like that.” 

“Yeah, sorry, Uh...I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity.” 

Mrs. Lahiffe shook her head. “I noticed your outfit was rather...daring. Is that from your father’s new collection?” 

“Nope! This is a Marinette original!” 

Marinette smacked him in the arm. “I told you not to associate me with that abomination!” She turned to Mrs. Lahiffe and quickly clarified, “He designed it and I carried out the deed.” 

“Oh you kids are so funny!” She laughed. “Well, you didn’t come over to entertain me! Go have fun, I’ll get pizza around 6?” 

“Thanks mom!” 

“Thanks Mrs. Lahiffe!” 

On the way to Nino’s room, he asked. “What movie do you guys want to watch tonight?”

Plagg grinned, “Have you ever seen Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter is kind of short, but I have delayed it long enough, and sleepover shenanigans need their own chapter.
> 
> The song Plagg sang was ‘Close Every Door’ from Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat.


	8. In Which Nino is Sus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve always wanted to write a sleepover/truth or dare fic, but I never could come up with a plot. This is my wish fulfillment. 

“So what does one do at the beginning of a sleepover?” Asked Plagg. “Is it like it is in the movies?” 

“Some things are similar,” Alya provided, digging through her duffel. “First, one must change into their pajamas.” She held up an oversized t-shirt and red flannel pants. 

“Oh! I get it!” Plagg undid his button. 

“What are you doing?” Asked Nino, looking meaningfully to the girls in the room. 

“Changing?” And Plagg dropped his pants in one fluid motion. 

Alya saw it coming and turned away with a laugh. 

But Marinette caught an eyeful (as much as Adrien in boxer briefs could be considered an eyeful) before she too turned away with an ‘eep!’ 

“I change in front of people all the time,” Plagg explained. “As a model that is. Not my fault you’re all shy. I’ve got underwear on.” 

“Well if Sunshine isn’t ashamed, then I’m not going to make a big deal out of it.” Alya stopped shielding her face, though she didn’t look directly at him. 

Plagg peeled his shirts off next, eliciting another squeal from Marinette. 

“I, for one, will be changing in the bathroom,” said Alya, PJs in hand. 

Plagg bent over and ruffled through his bag, derrière within smacking distance to Marinette. 

“I-I-I’ll join you,” said Marinette, scrambling to get her PJs.

Alya was already halfway out the door. “Wait your turn, M.” 

And Marinette was forced to wait as Adrien stepped those long, beautifully toned legs into a pair of...oh, Ladybug spot patterned pants. Then he slipped on a shirt covering those perfect, sculpted abs. 

The shirt was red, and had words sharpied onto it, but it wasn’t until he got it on and smoothed it out that she could read what it said. 

“Ladybug’s sexiest fan.” 

She laughed. Not a laugh of, ‘oh, that’s funny’ but a laugh of ‘why me God?’

“Your turn, M!” Alya sang, coming into the room. Her eyes landed on Adrien. “Where did you get that shirt?? I need one!” 

Plagg puffed out his chest. “Sorry Alya, this is a one of a kind piece! I made it myself!” 

“It’s really good for being hand drawn!” 

“Thanks!” He beamed. 

From his bag, Adrien had to wonder when Plagg had the time to make such a thing.

Marinette excused herself to change, and immediately Alya and Nino whirled on him. “What was that??” 

“What was what?” 

“That strip tease! What the heck?!” 

“Oh that? Well, when you have a bod like mine, you gotta flaunt it on occasion.” 

“Sure Dude,” Nino raised a brow. “But like, we just talked last week about how you were having self confidence issues. Why the change?” 

Plagg had forgotten about that conversation. Granted, he had tried not to listen to it, since it wasn’t a conversation for him...

“Well, you know how it is when you’re around people you trust.” 

“You’ve got the hots for Marinette!” Alya blurted. 

Plagg played bashful. “Well...maybe a little...” 

She squealed in excitement, clapping her hands together. “Oh em gee! I’ve been waiting for this day for forever! You have to ask her out! She’ll say yes, I promise!” 

“Oh, I know about her crush.” Plagg explained, “I just wanted to...encourage her to confess herself.” 

Alya and Nino both went wide-eyed. “You knew? Since when?” 

“And you didn’t tell me?” Nino asked, slightly hurt. “I thought I was your wingman.” 

“It’s a recent thing.” At least for Adrien it was. “I haven’t really had to think things through. I’m just...having fun and flirting.” He quirked a smile. “I am flirting, right? I’m not coming off like a creep, right?” 

“Oh no no,” Alya insisted. “You’re a natural! How did you find out?” 

Plagg twirled a lock of hair close to his scalp. “I have my ways.” 

Nino narrowed his eyes, the action going unnoticed by Plagg. 

Marinette returned, wearing pink shorts and an oversized sweatshirt. 

From Adrien’s point of view, she looked adorable, and he wished he could just pull her into a hug and snuggle up with her...maybe press a kiss to her temple. 

“There you are, Princess. We missed you!” Plagg chirped. 

Marinette blushed. “I was gone for like a minute.” 

“Oh but it felt so much longer! Nino and Alya were making out the whole time! It was torture!” 

“We did not!” Alya barked. “Don’t you lie to my girl!” 

“Don’t listen to her,” Plagg insisted. “She was sucking the soul out of him.” 

Alya gasped in mock horror. “You keep your vulgar rebellion away from my innocent baby!” 

Plagg wrapped his arms around Marinette, pulling her towards him. “On the contrary, I think I’ll pull Marinette with me into the depths of my depravity!” 

“Nooo!” Alya cried. “What horrors do you plan to subject her to?” 

“Well, I know I can’t convince her to dress like me.” 

“Over my dead body,” Marinette agreed, her face red hot. 

“But perhaps she will sneak out of her house like me?” He leaned in closer to her ear and purred. “We can stay out all night doing who knows what?” 

Marinette gave a full body shiver, wriggling away from him. “Uh, you don’t—I’m not very good at—surely they’ll notice—“ 

Plagg smiled to himself. God it was so funny seeing her so flustered. 

“Alright,” said Alya, pulling him away. “Give her a break before she combusts.” 

Nino watched with narrowed eyes, but they softened before Plagg could notice. 

“So? What’s next on the agenda?” Asked Plagg, still in great spirits. 

“Since this is a first sleepover for Adrien,” began Alya, with bravado, “I have an assemblage of traditional sleepover games. Including,” she slammed down a box. “Truth or dare.” 

Nino and Marinette both moaned. 

Plagg sat a little straighter at the reaction. “Oh, a game that causes suffering. Do tell!” 

“You’ve never heard of truth or dare?” Asked Nino. 

Plagg shook his head. “Never been to a sleepover, remember?” 

“Yeah, but you’ve at least had to hear about it in movies or books, right?” 

Plagg shrugged. “Maybe I just don’t remember. What are the rules?” 

“Simple,” explained Alya. “On your turn, you get to pick between truth or dare. Dare is an action you must do, and truth is a confession you have to make. Once you do it, you get to come up with the next person’s truth or dare.” 

“Oh yes, this sounds familiar now. What is the box for?” 

“Suggestions.” She opened the lid to reveal two sets of cards. “I’m sure we can all come up with two or three really good truths or dares, but these are in case we run out.” 

“Passes?” Asked Marinette. 

“Everyone gets one pass.” 

Plagg had to keep that in mind. While this game could be really fun and he could lie his way through most of it, he had the potential of ruining his master plan. 

But these kids wouldn’t try to oust Adrien’s brand new crush on the same night they learned about it. 

Right? 

Alya set a bottle sideways on the floor. 

“What’s that?” Plagg asked. 

“Since we can’t play ‘Spin the Bottle’, we’ll use it as a player picker.” 

“What’s ‘Spin the Bottle’?” 

“A kissing game.” Marinette provided. “You spin the bottle, and whoever it lands on, you kiss.” 

“Sounds spicy, but not a good game for just the four of us if you two are dating...” Plagg gestured between Alya and Nino. 

“Now you get it!” 

“So who goes first?” 

“I’ll go, because I suggested the game.” Alya sang, spinning the bottle. 

Plagg glanced at Marinette, who had her fingers crossed. Obviously hoping that she wouldn’t face Alya’s wrath. 

The bottle slowed to a stop pointing at Nino. 

“Narts…” 

“Alright babe, Truth…or Dare?” 

“Dare I guess.” 

“Perfect! I dare you to shave your legs.” 

“What!” Nino cried. 

Plagg barked out a laugh. “Oh she got you good!” 

“I’m not going to shave my legs!” 

“You have to, it’s a dare.” Alya protested. 

“Fine, I’ll do it later.” 

“Nope. Right now, Mister. Hop to it!” 

Nino groaned in defeat before rising to his feet. “Fine, I’m going.” 

“Do you need help?” 

“I know how to shave!” And Nino stormed off to the bathroom. 

“That was a pretty extreme dare for our first round.” Said Marinette. “How are we going to beat it?” 

“Oh the hair will grow back, and he never wears shorts. I could have dared him to shave his head. I’m sure there will be more amazing opportunities!” Alya sang. 

“So, are we waiting for him before we keep going?” Asked Plagg. 

“Might as well, don’t want him to feel left out.” 

“So these dares...how extreme is extreme?” Plagg asked, curling his legs up underneath him. 

Alya and Marinette shared a look, entertained on Alya’s end, and fear on Marinette’s. 

“Well, we all have one pass...” mused Alya. 

“Nothing physically detrimental or permanent!” Marinette objected. “Like a tattoo or piercing or something!” 

“Pft, that leaves a whole lot of open space.” 

“And nothing traumatic or emotionally detrimental.”

Plagg flapped his lips like a horse. “Now you’re being a party pooper.” 

“Oh!” Said Alya with a snap. “Lila said you guys had a photoshoot yesterday, but she didn’t tell me anything else. She usually tells me all about it! What happened?” 

Plagg chuckled. “Oh nothing in particular. I was just telling her about Magic.” 

Alya groaned. “Oh don’t even get started on it. Ever since Nath introduced it to you guys, Nino won’t shut up about it! It’s ‘Blue Black’ this, and ‘tarmogoyf’ that. I’m glad you guys are all bonding, I am, I’m just so lost!” 

“So you talked to Lila about that card game?” Marinette probed. 

“Yeah, basically the whole time.” He sent her a wink on the sly. “I can’t imagine that would have given her a bad experience. I thought she was my friend...” he played sad. 

Thankfully, Alya bought it. “Aww, Sunshine, maybe something else happened when you weren’t there. Don’t take it too harshly.” 

“NINO MICHELE LAHIFFE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY RAZOR!?” 

“IT'S FOR A DARE MOM! I’LL CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS!” 

“THERE IS BLOOD ALL OVER THE TUB! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” 

“I’M SHAVING MY LEGS! I HAVE HAIRY ANKLES!” 

“GIVE ME THAT! I’LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT!” 

“MOOOOM I KNOW HOW TO SHAVE!!” 

The three teens in the room sprawled on the floor, gasping for air and desperate not to laugh too loud. 

Alya had tears in her eyes. “Oh my god he’s going to kill me.” 

“We’ll plan a beautiful funeral for you.” Marinette teased. 

Eventually, Nino rejoined the group, hiking his pants up so his legs were visible. “Ba-BAM!” 

Alya dragged a hand up his calf. “Damn babe, you clean up nice!”

“Don’t get used to it.” 

“Now you know my struggle.” She sassed back. 

“Al, I never gave you a hard time about unshaved legs. If you can put up with mine, I can certainly put up with yours.” 

Plagg turned to Marinette. “It’s certainly fascinating what couples will argue about, Hmm?” 

“Uh, y-yeah. It’s funny...” 

“Alright Nino, your turn to spin the bottle.” Alya gestured. 

Nino cracked his knuckles. “Don’t mind if I do!” And he gave it a whirl.

It landed on Marinette. 

“Truth or Dare?” 

“Umm...truth?” 

Nino smiled fiendishly, a smile that was uncharacteristic for him. “Okay. What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done to get your crush to notice you?” 

Marinette gasped in horror. “NINO!” 

“You could pass.” 

“And then for the rest of the game I live in terror that I’m going to get something worse? No.” 

Plagg leaned in closer, head in his hands, trying and failing not to look extremely curious. “Soo?” 

“So what?” 

“What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve done to get your crush to notice you?” 

Her face colored brightly, all the way up to the tips of her ears. 

“We’re all friends here, M.” Assured Alya. “And you don’t have to say who it is.” 

Finally, Marinette exhaled slowly and admitted, “there’s been a lot. And I’m not sure if I can pick just one above the others...but the least incriminating would be the voicemail.” 

Alya chuckled. “Ah, the voicemail.” 

Marinette covered her eyes with both hands, but continued. “It was normal at first. I rambled a little bit through it, stammered it out…just asked him if he wanted to go to the movies, and then…instead of hanging up like a normal, sane person. I threw my phone, while it was still recording. I then proceeded to say a bunch of stuff to Alya, like ‘I couldn’t have just said ‘blah blah blah’ and the phone recorded the whole thing.” 

“And he didn’t say anything about it?” Asked Nino.

“It gets better,” Alya smirked.

“No…because he never heard it…I stole his phone and deleted it.”

“YOU STOLE HIS PHONE?!” Plagg shouted. He was 1) Shocked that such an occurrence happened around him. He was pretty diligent around Adrien’s belongings. God knows the amount of times Lila had tried to rifle through his bag. And 2) Shocked and delighted that Marinette had the guts to do something so radical. “That’s amazing, Marinette!”

“It’s not amazing!” Marinette lamented. “I’m a phone thief!” 

“She stole mine too,” smiled Alya. “She’s a scoundrel.”

“I am! I am a scoundrel!”

“So what did the voicemail say?” Asked Plagg, much too invested in this story.

Marinette blushed even brighter, pulling her shoulders up to her ears. “You can’t ask that! You have to wait your turn!” 

“Oh clever. I see. Well then, I’ll hold on to that for now.” He chuckled. “It’s your turn to spin the bottle.” 

Marinette relaxed slightly, thrilled that she had made it through the question with minor embarrassment (and her secret crush unaware, as far as she knew.) She spun the bottle with gusto.

It landed on Plagg. 

“Oh boy.” Plagg winced. 

“Ha! Truth or dare?” 

“Hmm…I’ll do a dare.” 

“I dare you to call Principle Damocles, pretending to be your father.” 

“Oh my god yes!” Cheered Alya. “Anyone have his number?”

“I do, for student council purposes. Best not use my phone then.” 

Plagg took out Adrien’s phone, unlocking it, and handed it over to Marinette. 

She dialed the number. “All you have to do is start the call.” 

“What should I say?”

“Don’t get anyone in trouble.” Marinette warned. 

“Oh, and don’t give him a reason to call back and follow up.” 

“Okay…I got an idea.” He hit the call button. 

After a few heart pounding seconds, he answered. “ _ Hello, Principle Damocles here! _ ” 

“Yes, quite, this is Gabriel Agreste.” Plagg said, in his perfectly flawless impersonation. 

The other three in the room had to hold their breath to avoid laughing out loud. 

“ _ Ah, Mr. Agreste! To what do I owe the pleasure? _ ” 

“I assure you, monsieur, this conversation will not be a pleasure. Do you think you’re a good administrator?” 

“ _ I uh _ …” 

“No stammering, I hate stammering!” 

“ _ Yes! I think I’m very accomplished! _ ” 

“My son came home with a cold today.” Plagg narrowed his eyes, putting anger in his voice. 

“ _ Oh well…I’m very sorry to hear that, sir. But after all, this is a school with many children, they’re bound to pass colds along _ .” 

“How is your sanitation? Do you regularly clean tables and desks?” 

“ _ I-well, not usually the desks. The floors, yes, and the bathrooms… _ ” 

“And the air system? Do you keep good air flow?”

“ _ The courtyard is open air, so yes, there should be— _ “ 

“Is your heater running?” 

“ _ It should be! It’s March after all! _ ” 

“Well then, you better go catch it.” And he hung up. 

As soon as he pulled the phone away, all three of his friends were on the floor, crying with laughter. 

“OH MY GOD! THAT WAS THE BEST!” 

“Flawless setup, flawless execution.” Alya giggled. 

Marinette rubbed the tears from her cheeks. “Man, your impersonation of your dad is spot on.” 

“I have a lot of practice.” Plagg shrugged. Plagg’s impression in his own body was pretty good, but combined with Adrien’s vocal chords, it was just too good. Almost too much power.

The game continued onward. With the dares becoming even more crazy. Nino ingested a random concoction of sauces Alya had brewed in the kitchen, while Alya displayed her acting prowess in pretending to be a baby being born. The truths were pretty good, as Nino had confessed to having a secret Gumby fetish, and Marinette had to admit that she had accidentally peed her pants at a water park last summer. 

Then Alya spun the bottle, only for it to land on Plagg. 

“Dare.”

Alya grinned manically, and Marinette felt a chill creep down her spine. Alya had a tendency to go too far, and this would be one of those times where she tried to help Marinette out. 

“Adrien Agreste…I dare you…to kiss…Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” 

Plagg had seen it coming a mile away. It was so predictable. And yet he had been considering what to do. He still had a pass. Kissing humans, while he was human or not, was not up there on his list of things he enjoyed. 

Oh, what the hell. It wasn’t his body!

Marinette’s mouth dropped open in shock. “You can’t make him do that! Adrien, you can pass! I won’t be offend—“ 

Then she was laying on her back, with Adrien’s wonderful, perfect frame pressing her against the floor. His lips were on hers, full, and absent of any hesitation. 

Someone wolf-whistled. 

Before she could even think of how to respond, he clamored off of her, and sat up. “That good enough for you?” 

“Damn, I wish you had warned me so I could have got a picture!” 

“No way! What happens at Nino’s stays at Nino’s!” 

“You good down there, girl?”

Marinette let out a string of consonants. 

“You broke her,” Nino mused. 

“Worth it.” He slyly gazed back to his overnight bag, where Adrien was hiding for the evening. Only his eyes, glowing green slits, full of anger were visible.

Plagg just smirked, and then winked. 

— 

Marinette and Alya left at 9. Marinette because she had to ‘wake up early’ and Alya because she wanted to ‘get homework done’. Plagg saw it for what it really was. They were going to gossip about his little stunt for a while. 

“Wanna play UMS?” Nino asked, once the girls had left. 

“You know it!” 

Nino gestured him forward, letting him lead the way to Nino’s bedroom. 

But upon entering the bedroom, Plagg heard the door close, heard a bang, felt an extreme pain in his head, and then blacked out. 

—

When he awoke, the room was dark. 

He was sitting in a chair, Nino’s computer chair, with his hands and feet bound with duct tape. 

The pain in his head swelled again, as a bright light was flashed in his face. 

“Uh, what the hell?” He grouched. 

“Are you okay dude?” Nino asked, with sympathy. 

“Besides the concussion? Just peachy.” 

Nino sighed in relief. “Oh good.” Then his voice took on an edge he had never heard before. “Now, who are you, and what have you done with the real Adrien?” 

Plagg blinked once, twice. “Pardon?”

“You heard me. Where is my best friend?” 

“I...don’t know what you mean? I’m just me, Nino?” 

“Oh no no no,” anger creeped into his voice. “You may have everyone fooled, but I know better! Marinette thinks you’re having a crisis, Alya says the fame and fortune have gone to your head, but I know Adrien! And I know that you aren’t him!” 

Still slightly shocked, Plagg had to ask, “what makes you say that?” 

“Evidence A: you’ve been wearing sunglasses to hide your weird cat-pupils. And I know they aren’t colored contacts, because Adrien lamented to me that he couldn’t wear colored contacts with his astigmatism!” 

Plagg blinked again. “Shit dude, got me there.” 

“Evidence B: at dinner, Marinette offered an array of macrons, and instead of your hard and true first choice of passion fruit, you went with pumpkin spice! You never went for the passion fruit!” 

“I just...wanted to be adventurous?” 

“Evidence C: the kiss.” 

“Of course.” 

“Even if Adrien was head over heels madly in love with Marinette, he is far too meek to kiss her like you did tonight.” 

“Facts.” 

“So, I’ll ask you one more time. Who are you, and where’s the real Adrien?” 

Plagg considered this for a moment, but  _ only _ a moment before answering. “Yeah, you got me. I’m not Adrien.” 

Nino pumped his fist in victory. “I knew it! I told the girls but they didn’t believe me!” 

“Adrien’s in my overnight bag.” 

Before Nino could check himself, Adrien came spiraling out to reprimand him. “Plagg! You can’t just give away our situation like that! What happened to secrecy? Secret identities?!” 

Plagg shrugged. “He obviously had me figured out. Mortals are particularly stubborn when they know a truth.” 

Adrien didn’t argue anymore as he was scooped out of the air and crushed to Nino’s chest. “Dude! I’ve been so worried!”

“I’m okay. A little traumatized, but okay.” Adrien squeaked out. 

Nino held him in his hands. “What happened? Why are you—hey, you’re a Kwami!” 

“The Black Cat Kwami,” Plagg clarified. 

“So that means...you’re Chat Noir!” 

“Yep. And now you’re the only other human that knows.” 

“I figured Carapace could keep the secret.” Plagg hummed. “Wayzz certainly trusts him enough.” 

“But Hawkmoth knows who Carapace is...or was...” 

“And he hasn’t bothered me since,” Nino offered. “I don’t think he cares?” 

“See? Everything is copacetic. Now unbind me mortal, or face the consequences.” 

“What consequences?” Asked Adrien with a laugh. “You’re in my body. You can’t do anything!” 

“I can still cast my lip chapping spell.” 

There was a brief knock at the door before Mrs. Lahiffe entered. It was enough time for Nino to hide Adrien in his hands. 

“Alright boys, dad has to wake up early tomorrow, so make sure to keep it down!” 

“MOOOOM! I’m in the middle of an interrogation!” 

“Well, interrogate quietly, honey.” And she closed the door. 

“Okay, one of you, explain what the heck is going on?” 

Adrien held his tail. “It’s my fault. I pissed Plagg off and he punished me.” 

“Sounds an awful lot like his fault, dude.” 

Plagg scoffed. “Fine, I’ll take responsibility for this amazing master plan! Adrien was complaining about his unrequited love life, his poor relationship with his father, and Lila’s constant sexual harassment. So I told him that could fix it all if he agreed to it.” 

“And the solution was to...swap bodies?” 

“I didn’t know!” Adrien defended. “I thought...well I don’t know what I thought. He just said he would fix it. I guess I didn’t imagine it would be this...” 

“In my defense...” started Plagg, “it is really fun to mess with Adrien.” 

Nino mostly ignored him. “So what has to happen to get you to switch back?” 

“Well, we have to get Marinette to confess to me, making our crushes mutual.” 

“Ah, I see.” Nino said sagely. “That makes sense. What else?” 

“I have to get Lila to leave me alone. Like, permanently.” 

“I guess I didn’t realize she was that much of a problem. I know you mentioned that she was harassing you...” 

“That’s not even the half of it. Marinette told me, Chat Noir me, that Lila has been actively threatening her.” 

Nino frowned. “Threatening her with what?” 

“Taking all of her friends and me away from her. I got Lila to lay off by allowing her to model with me, but since Plagg and I swapped bodies, she’s threatened to go back on our deal. If Plagg can get her to drop the whole thing, that would be ideal. But to fulfill the contract, he has to get her to leave me alone.” 

“And she’s been falling for it, hook, line, and sinker.” Said Plagg, with pride. 

“What did you do?” 

“I just explained Magic: The Gathering to her.” 

“...and? I mean, I know it’s a game that’s pretty hard to visualize in your head.” 

“I explained it badly, and gave her no chance to talk. For about four hours.” 

“Oh! So you’re annoying her?” 

“He’s annoying everyone.” Adrien clarified. 

“That’s how I got to school today. Gabriel put the house on lockdown and I serenaded him until he let me out.” 

“You were serious about that?” Nino chuckled. 

“Naturally!” 

“Wait, so the last thing is your dad?” 

“Yeah, Plagg has to fix our relationship.” 

“WOOF! That’s a tall order! Well, I better get used to having a Kwami as a best friend.” 

“Oh come on, Nino!” Plagg groaned, “have some faith in me, dude.” 

“Dude, I have all the faith in you. But I also know Adrien’s tyrant of a father. Unless you do brain surgery, you aren’t changing his mind.” 

Plagg seemed to consider this. “Hmm, brain surgery...” 

“No, NO!” Adrien reprimanded. 

“I’m just kidding. I know it’s going to be tough, but I know a thing or two about manipulation and lust for control. Gabriel is cracking. It’s more and more evident every time I push him. And once he cracks, he’ll listen.” 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Asked Nino. 

“Yes, but not right now. I have a great use for you soon, Nino Lahiffe.” 

“Don’t talk like that,” Adrien reprimanded. “It’s freaky.” 

“Oooo someone’s still bitter about not getting to kiss his crush~!” 

“I’M NOT BITTER!” Adrien yowled. 

“Bitter like an old grapefruit! I got to kiss pigtails and you’re grumpy!” 

“SHUT UP!” 

“Are you guys always like this?” Nino asked. 

“Sometimes, when Plagg is being annoying.” 

“Which is often. I am a creature of mischief and chaos.” 

“Which explains a lot…” Nino murmured. 

“Hey, are you going to teach me to play UMS or not?!”


	9. In Which Plagg Cuts the Umbilical Cord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy folks! Thanks for the patience! I like to pretend I’m regular with uploads, but we all know that’s not true. And for a little while, it’s going to be worse. I had a gallbladder attack this week, and I have to wait about a month to get it out. In the meantime, I get sick pretty easily from most foods. So I’ve kind of put writing on the backburner. 
> 
> Oh, I’m also planning a wedding!
> 
> Thanks for understanding and not sending demands for updates!

Adrien was feeling pretty darn good, all things considered. 

Ladybug, or Marinette rather, had been so adamant for so long that no one could know their identities. It was a mantra he stuck to, though he desperately wished to know her outside the mask. 

With Nino in on the secret, it felt more liberating than he expected. All night, he told Nino stories of his terrible excuses and narrow misses of getting caught. 

“I don’t know how I didn’t catch it sooner.” Nino had said, hindsight being 20/20 and all that. 

And Adrien admitted that he felt dumb for not realizing Nino was Carapace sooner. So Nino’s guilt was lessened a bit by that. 

While the boys talked, Plagg stayed rather neutral. He didn’t divulge any more of his plans or prepare them for what was to come. 

Because he couldn’t. Plagg was preparing for several different outcomes, all hindered on many overlapping factors. He just had to hope for the best for now and not stress Adrien out. 

The kid deserved to enjoy his first sleepover.

—

Being an ancient being, Plagg’s passive perception was relatively high. He noticed things and had an awareness that surpassed most other entities on the planet. 

Though, he rarely acted on anything he noticed, since he could phase out of most danger. It mostly kept him from being seen by people who weren’t supposed to see him. 

However, alarm bells were currently going off like crazy inside his—or Adrien’s—head. 

Lila was hovering just a bit too closely for comfort. 

Though she was usually the main attraction in a conversation, she wasn’t very good at spying. She hovered, just at the edge of the circle, throwing out plenty of ‘oh, don’t mind me’s, but keeping her eye trained on him. She even followed them when they went out for lunch. Far enough away that no one would notice, mind you, but there none the less. 

Lila was not Gabriel’s muse. She was his stooge. His little puppet. His meat camera. 

As long as Lila was around, Gabriel was aware of every action he took. Who knew what kind of bull shittery she’d pull if he did something remotely different. 

But what exactly was she watching for? Just reporting his change in behavior? 

Had Gabriel suspected too much? 

It was high time Plagg put the next phase of his plan into action. 

But first, he needed to throw Lila off the trail. 

It was after class, and everyone was packing their stuff up and discussing how the weekend had gone. 

This seemed like the perfect opportunity. 

“Hey guys! I taught Lila how to play Magic at the last photoshoot! Anyone want to play with her?” 

The words were like fresh blood in a tank of sharks. Lila was grabbed and sat down at a desk, as she tried to come up with an excuse to leave. 

“Oh, I’d uhh...I’d love to play. But my mom has a doctor appointment after school and she wanted me home...” 

“Oh Lila, it’s okay,” said Plagg. “Don’t feel bad about skipping our study session. This is your chance to really bond with the boys in our class!” 

Lila just sent him a tight lipped smile. 

“Okay, Kim, let Lila use your deck.” 

“What? No! ‘Soul Sisters’ is perfectly crafted and only an expert can really unlock its true potential.” 

Alix swiped the deck from his hand. “Yeah, you build a deck with all the tig-bitty angel wifus. It’s great. Take a break, horn dog.” She slammed the deck down in front of a traumatized Lila. 

Max was her partner. “Don’t worry, we’ll go slow and I’ll explain everything as we go along.” 

Plagg smiled to himself, watching as the boys, and even some girls, crowded around to watch. 

He then caught Marinette’s eye and gestured out to the hall. There was no way Lila could stealthily maneuver her way over to him without drawing the attention of all their classmates. 

In the hall, Plagg took Marinette’s hand and led her away, into a secluded corner of the upper floor. Hopefully, Lila wouldn’t spot them if she tried to do something rash. 

“Is everything okay, Adrien?” Marinette asked, her face tinged pink. 

“Not...not completely. Lila was following and eavesdropping on me all day.” 

Marinette gasped, covering her mouth. “That’s sick!” 

“Yes, I agree. I’m not quite sure what she was looking for, but I’m fairly certain she’s spying for my father.” 

Marinette squeezed his arm. “I’m so sorry, Adrien. If I knew how to help...” 

“I should be the one apologizing.” He said, genuine sadness in his voice. He had hoped solving Adrien’s problems would have helped Marinette out, but he worried it would be the opposite. 

“What do you have to apologize for?”

He took her hands, holding them delicately in his own. “I told you that I made a deal with her to get you back into school. But…”

She whispered. “Adrien...” 

He touched her face, ever so gently, laying the charm on thick. “Marinette, I care about you so much, and if I could avoid this I would, but...” 

“But what?” 

“Lila’s made it clear that she’s taking this feud I’m having with my father personally. She’s going to take whatever chance she can get to go back on our agreement. She’s going to go after you again.” He shook his head, conjuring tears into his eyes. “I can’t bear to see you hurt by her!” 

“Oh Adrien!” She gasped, before throwing her arms around him. “Please don’t cry. I can handle her, honest.” 

“I have a plan in motion,” he clarified, squeezing her. “She won’t get away with her lies and harassment for much longer. I just need you to be strong.” 

“Whatever you need, just let me know. You don’t have to do this alone.” 

“I know. Thank you, Marinette. Now, I have to go before Lila escapes my trap.” 

Her smile was genuine and full of gratitude. “I’ll see you tomorrow then! Bye!” 

Eager to take what head way he could get, Plagg pressed a kiss to Marinette’s cheek before hurrying away. 

He missed her squealing and dancing after he turned his back. 

—

“I really dislike that sausage-haired cretin.” Plagg muttered as he walked home. “It’s one thing to lie to get attention, but for her to spy on us all day? Talk about creepy!”

“Thank you for warning Marinette,” Adrien said as he floated by his shoulder. “I agree that Lila is looking for any opportunity to go back to bullying her. I think with the warning, she’ll be able to come up with some way to protect herself.” 

“Nothing against your lady’s ability to find solutions, since that is her job as Ladybug, but I don’t know what kind of back up plan she can have against a compulsive liar. Why is every adult in Paris so gullible?” 

“I have a theory,” Adrien suggested. “They aren’t gullible. They just see a pretty young girl crying and they just go along with whatever she says to make it stop. They just assume she’s exaggerating or something.” 

“Good observation,” Plagg commended. “I agree.” 

“But I think we should put off worrying about Lila for a bit and focus on my father. He hasn’t seen you since Friday morning when you serenaded him. I can’t imagine he’s going to be happy to see you.” 

“Adrien, we’ve been over this. I can handle a grown ass adult throwing a temper tantrum. There’s only two things he hasn’t tried yet, and they’re both pretty extreme. I don’t know if he has it in him. I called his bluff before, anyways.” 

“What two things?” 

“Having me arrested...or getting violent. I dared him to hit me and he swore he never would. I just can’t imagine he was telling the truth.” 

“Are you trying to drive him to it?”

“I’m trying to drive him to a place of ‘I give up, what do you want’? Hopefully we can talk, and he’ll come to see you aren’t a child anymore. As much as I think your dear old dad is capable of being a butt head, I think he’s also capable of understanding. He is a successful businessman after all. Business doesn’t come without a little mercy.” 

“That’s a...way to look at it...” 

At that point, they reached the mansion, and Adrien returned to the pocket. 

Plagg decided not to ring the doorbell, and instead climbed the wall. 

He strolled very nonchalantly up to the front door, and entered, slamming the door shut behind him. 

Then he waited three seconds. 

_ “1...2...” _

“Adrien!” Gabriel rushed out of his office. “I didn’t expect you home already.” 

“Because Lila didn’t text you with my location?” 

Gabriel just stared, slightly wide-eyed and pale. 

_ Caught red handed.  _

“She is spying on me for you, right? This isn’t just her stalking me on her own. She’s not smart enough for that.” 

“I—“ 

“So what? You don’t know how to communicate with me so you go to the only person in my class that I not only dislike, but has a record of compulsive lying? Seriously? You thought that was your best option?” 

“You do not get to lecture me about my choices!” Gabriel barked. 

But Plagg just shook his head. “You make no sense to me.”

“My decisions and actions don’t have to make sense to you. You are my child, and you will obey me! Do you understand?” 

Plagg just gave him a patient smile. Arguing with him never went anywhere, because Gabriel always turned his ears off the second Adrien said something he didn’t want to hear. 

Which was anything that wasn’t “yes sir.”

“I understand what you want. But I can’t give it to you. You haven’t listened to what I’ve said. You’re so caught up in injustice, that you haven’t seen how your yelling has affected me. I’m just pulling farther and farther away. Do you want to lose me for good? Is that what you want? Because that’s the road you’re heading down. I’m 15 now. Three years of this, and I could easily move away and never speak to you again after how badly you’ve treated me.” 

“I do not treat you badly! Have you ever gone without food? Without a soft bed? Without clothes or showers? No! You have it better than most people in this city.” 

“You’re right, I should be without want or need. But you’ve severely neglected my heart. Gabriel, I’m lonely, and sad. I’m disappointed every time you break a promise. I can go anywhere and have food and shelter and whatever, but only  _ you _ can give me the love of my father.” 

Gabriel was silent at this, staring at his son, his lips in a firm line. 

“So I’m going to go. I’m staying with some friends for a while. Just to give you a taste of what it’s like without me. If you like it, then, when I’m 18, I’ll leave, and never come back.” 

Gabriel looked to the ground, but found himself unable to say anything. Plagg ascended the stairs, and went into Adrien’s room. 

“I don’t want to leave…” Adrien said, quietly. “I’d rather stay and…” 

“And do nothing?”

Adrien looked away. 

“Look,” said Plagg, directing his chin up. “Your father is a hard nut to crack. We just have to push harder and harder. Do you still trust me?”

“What choice do I have?”

“It’s going to be okay, kid.” He rubbed his thumb over his whiskers. “I promise.” 

He packed up his duffel that he had taken for his sleepover, and came back down the stairs. 

Gabriel was right where he left him. “So, you’re going? Just like that?” 

“At this point, I think it’s for the best. Just for a little while. Give us both some perspective.” 

“You’ll regret it,” he warned. 

“Maybe. But what’s there to learn from if I don’t make mistakes?” 

Gabriel didn’t stop him as he walked out the door. 

After he left, Nathalie emerged from the office. “Your son is surprisingly mature for his age.” 

“No, he’s stubborn. Just like his mother. I give him three days before he comes crawling back.” 

“And if he doesn’t?” 

“Then I’ll  _ make _ him come back.” 

—

Chat Noir bounded over rooftops at sunset. He had a destination in mind, and getting spotted by Lila or one of Gabriel’s other goons would ruin it all. 

After traveling in circles, he finally reached the Lahiffe house and stopped on the fire escape outside Nino’s room. 

Nino looked up at the sound. “Oh dude!” 

“Nino Lahiffe, the time has come.” Said Plagg in his ancient voice. “This is the Miraculous of the Dude.” He opened his hand to show a single Hersey’s kiss. “You will use it for the greater bro-kind, and let me crash here for the foreseeable future, as I have run away from home.” 

“Dude...” Nino took it reverently. “I will fulfill my sacred oath...but you should probably come in through the front door, and we should kind of explain this to my mom, or she’s going to wonder how you got in the house.” 

“True. Meet you downstairs in five!” 

—

Marinette laid in her bed, eyes trained to the sky through the sky-light, hands clutching a pillow tightly to her chest. 

She sighed.

The sound made Tikki roll her eyes. She knew Plagg was hamming it up, but did he have to be so…charming?! 

“Tikki…” Marinette announced, after mooning for over an hour. “I think…I think I can tell him tomorrow.” 

The words were music to her ears! Finally! “You can do it Marinette!” 

Then a shadow passed Marinette’s face as the worst past through her mind. “But what if he hasn’t been earnest? What if the way he’s been acting has just been to get back at his father or Lila?” 

Tikki almost groaned. “Marinette, Adrien loves you. He really really loves you! The way he pulled you aside today and warned you about what was going to happen with Lila? He didn’t do that for anyone but you. That was real care! The longer you beat around the bush, the more you’re putting off your own happiness. And you don’t want that, do you?”

Marinette sat up, resolve hardening. “Tomorrow then. I’ll tell him tomorrow, and get my happily ever after.” 


End file.
